What to do next, that is the question

We did the Child Protective Services initial investigation today. 

And I worked on weighing medical options while juggling works issues from home.

I am watching all the experts and people sit down, try to help, but are waiting for someone to have an answer.  We all feel the pressure of damage and time.  We all feel the pressure to make the right choice.  This child cannot take one more oops. 

My cold seems to be sinking into pneumonia and my Mom is not happy.  I am resigned that I will now be fairly sick through all of this.  I caught a bacteria pneumonia from a foster child inbetween trips two and three to bring my daughter home.  That round lasted almost a year and I was as stress free and able to lay down unlike this year.

What to do next is the question.  Something serious has happened to Alex and he is exhibiting all the signs of additional sexual trauma.  It makes for an explosive situation.  It is like sitting on a powder keg in the middle of the house and we are all feeling the stress.  We cannot stand it but it is not safe to go out.

The remaining local treatment options do not seem sufficient.  The family is talking about a long distance option (and insurance has hinted at it) that may help and would include family interactive therapy.  This option takes an excellent approach to severe PTSD in young children. 

This option causes such additional stress on the home situation because so many things have been ignored while I concentrated on Alex this summer.  But we love him so much, I would count it all well lost if we just saved Alex.  It is still hard to see the peeling paint on my house and know the rains are coming.  I literally cannot leave the house to protect it.  I begin to be at a loss.

I am not a fool.  I realize my still young son may already be on that so very dangerous path that leads to incarcertation. 

I watch him appear to move in and out of flashbacks - one moment everything is fine and then it is not.  And nothing happened to make everything not okay.  He is experiencing random occurrances of flashbacks that are uncontrollable.  The stress of watching is starting to get to me. 

And Alex continues to attempt to find ways to erupt.  And then sometimes he overcompensates to avoid eruption triggers.

I think that we are in a very delicate time right now.  What we decide to do next needs to be the right choice. 

I also remain mad about our life being so aschew.  That is a healthy and normal perspective.  I will see what can be done to work with insurance concerning the long distance option.