Getting ready to go

When I started this blog I was going to tell people what it was like to go get your child in Russia.  What it is today is how one Mother came to nurture her child.  Against all odds.  Against what sometimes seems like everything.

So we get ready to go.  To another state.  A severe disruption of our family and our life.  Me, the ultimate plan-change planner is floundering.   We have a really good life despite all the stuff that happened this summer.  

The out-of-state day program we are going is asking for basically an end-of-year committment.  I talked at them about how I could only maybe gurantee a month committment but at the end of the day we will all do what Alex needs. 

I silently weep I as gently convince my beloved daughter she will be better here are home, starting school next week while I fly far away.  She has to go to school and simply cannot miss half of the first grade.  My dear little girl is happy to stay home and go to school in our normal life.  I am already missing her terribly.

Frankly, I could not do it if she was not with my Mom.  I still grieve and worry.  I may not be there for her first day of school.  I will not be there to make her lunches every day and make sure she wears clothing that will not get her teased.  My daughter is in the only elementary school Russian emmersion program in the country.   I am proud but the program is full of Russians so the standards are high.  I am already nagging my Mom about hair and appropriate dress.  And getting the homework done.  It is all so important in this transplanted cultural setting.

I will meet with a new IEP school district team for Alex, my miralce, in a few hours.  They were the people that began the problem.  I wonder what they think they are going to tell me to do.  I wonder to what extent they will align their position to the medical one. 

There is no mistake at this point, the medical people control the decisions.  They are trying to figure out the best answer for Alex.  Alex remains an interesting kid suffering PTSD.

I think sometimes Alex is doing all he can, since the bullying resurrected his monsters, to figure out a way to vanquish them.  Alex is a healthy child trying to make all the ickiness go away.  He pushes on our life to see who else can help.   I think he ultimately trusts I will keep finding ways to help while he keeps being socially inappropriate in seeking release from the pain.  Alex remains my miracle child.

He will prevail.  He will find the people to help him feel safe.  Until then he will continue to pick up sticks, and otherwise arm himself, while we walk down the street.  I am proud of him.  He has learned to say no to abuse and he will prevail in getting what he needs to be whole.