Quiet day today

A no problem day.  Imagine that. No drama.  No upset.  Just tension on my part.

But I was right, there is no systemic problem with Alex.  There is no PTSD happening.  There is no mis-medication.  He is mentally and emotionally stable.

He is a little boy with an anger problem that he chooses to turn on at will and then it gets away from him.  I remember this guy from when he first was home.  That kid sure could rage.  He is also a kid that has now suffered new abuse, had burns to his hands and had a newly reconstructed cheek hit with either a fist or a rock.  I am not sure if it has caused further harm or gave him a reality check. 

Alex is glad to be home.  He is already asleep in his grandmother's room with his dog and his superhero who keeps the monsters away at his side.  No rocking.   No huddling under the covers, drenched in sweat.  That is how I found him last night. 

Tomorrow we go with friends to the zoo.  A normal life.

I do not know what the week will bring but we will get through it. 

I also think that the day treatment program and then their inpatient unit attempted to escalate Alex for financial gain. The day treatment program made it seem like there was a problem at home and that medications were being arbitrarily administered without the direction of a doctor.  That was not true.  Alex has a long term psychiatrist that was working on the medication issued messed up by an earlier system.  Alex also seemed to have triggered more from day treatment than anything else.  All the outside professionals saw Alex as stabilizing and normal.

These people in the day/in-treatments system stood to make a lot of money.  I have good insurance.  My mom already did a rough calculation about how much they stood to make.  Two other close friends did the same and gave me figures unsolicited.

The in-treatment facility didn't report the initial abuse of Alex but reported the subsequent acting out about it.   They took away all the therapeutic supports that were successfully addressing his PTSD and nightmares and left a toy in the room with him that they told him would only wake up at night and come alive.  A boy who suffers nightmares.  Given a toy that only comes alive after he sleeps.  omg.  Since I, and outside doctors, had been clear about what was working there could have been no mistake.

Since coming home Alex has given that toy to his sister to see if it is true.  Daria is a seriously well-grounded kid that does not scare easily or allow things that may harm her anywhere near.  Daria has parked that potentially harmful toy next to the computer of their grandmother, my mom.  They know that my mom will pound it into smithereens if it even blinks at her.  The kids are very wise.

Another friend noted that if this was a deliberate attempt to illegally incarcerate Alex in a mental ward, that it was a pattern of behavior that other families are suffering.  These people are targeting families and their support system that is often exhausted and at its last effort.  They target families desperate for a break.  There is little respite for dealing with an angry child.  My support system has yet to be fully activated.  There was no real need yet.  There is plenty of help and respite left in reserve.

These day/in-treatment people also lied to me and Alex's outside doctors.  They told us they only wanted to put him into a 24/7 setting for observation and medication stabilization.  What they told insurance was they intended Alex to be in their facility for months.  And months and months and months. 

There was no reason for that except for fraud. 

They never meant for me to see what they were doing to Alex.  They thought I would be like a lot of parents and walk away, grateful for the break.  They did not anticipate that Alex and I are closely bonded and he would tell me when a child was sexually inappropriate towards him or tell about the other things going on.

I adopted my son knowing what it might mean.  I finalized that adoption intentionally.  All the while Alex raged throughout it.  I have already spent years dealing with the hurt angry child.  My break point came and went about eight months after he was home.  That was a very long time ago.  He and I made our deal with each other long ago.  These people are years too late to victimize us. 

My son is in the process of coming to terms with his past and what he is today.  He is not ready to tell us about it all.  Yet.  Ironically, his original surname was that of a well-known Russian leader and rebel.  That long ago man was from the steppes and was charismatic.  That long ago guy almost toppled a tsarist regime long before there was a soviet or collective dream in Russia.  My son is that kind of soon to be man.  He is what he is from.  He is one stubborn little boy that attempts to assert his will upon everyone.  He is a typical Russian boy wanting to be a man.

In the news today there was a story about three Russian feminist musicians sentenced to two years in prison for singing anti-Putin songs in a Russian orthodox church. They remained rebellious behind the plexi-glass and heavily guarded wall during sentencing.  It is a tough and complex culture.  That is the culture of my kids and it shapes them even today.

The fact that Alex was bullied for being a cleft child at school and I did not stop it soon enough last spring has made some of what are already difficult issues to resolve for him even more explosive.

Ultimately Alex is a survivor.  But he will always take the difficult path to resolution.  He is the kind of kid that puts a parent on the edge of their seat - whether to jump up and help and protect or to move out of the way of incoming projectiles I am not always sure.  But he is worth it.  Always. 

And maybe tomorrow I will call 911, climb up into a paramedic unit and we will go back to the ER.  But if and when we do I will tell them all, including the police that told me not to let him go to Trillium, about what happened. 

By refusing to be silent we can all make it stop. 

When people need help, they just need help.  They do not need to victimized.  God gave me my son for safekeeping.  But for me he would be lost. 

Tomorrow we will all go to the zoo.  It will be fun.