A different perspective

I think even I get caught up in the drama and I keep forgetting to talk about all the people helping my son, the miracle I found in Russia, get the help he so desparately wants.  There are a lot of us.  There is me of course, the family and the neighbors that always come to help. 

Alex is desparate for help.  He cannot stop thinking about the negative things.  He tells me he is worthless.  He wants the doctors to make it better much like they made his cleft palate situation so much better.  Alex wants help now.  There are a lot of people trying to get him that help.

Start with our medical insurance.  They have worked with me and the doctors to find the best treatment center for young kids suffering severe PTSD that allow a strong family support system for a child that they can use going through treatment.  We found it and it is in the valley I was born.  It is a culture that strongly supports the welfare of a child. 

Then there are all the other people.

Today was a day Alex ran and started throwing rocks. I got the call late today that the treatment program we are going to in Salt Lake City still doesn't have a place for him yet.  Within an hour of me getting that call, Alex was out the door throwing rocks and attempting to escalate violence. 

I after I got my top back on (I was in my bedroom changing clothes), I told him I would call and started the calls.  I called the mental health crisis team.  They then called the police. 

I chased Alex through the neighborhood until the police came.  I have a really bad cold that may already have become pneumonia but I kept up with him.  The police officer that came was the one that had taken Alex's statement when a school van driver had hit him last spring (I know, I know, lots of people apparently hit Alex). 

She was awesome.  She did not call for back-up, she was able to walk him back to her squad car quietly.  but of course she first met Alex as a victim of violence so she had a different perspective.  Image if all victims of harm were treated as that, victims.  She was absolutely amazing with him.  She kept him calm even in his violent state.

The paramedics came and loaded him calmly into their vehicle.  I jumped into the front.  The driver had been there before and was so cool about it all.  We rolled into the ED for the children's hospital and two of three security, or public safety, guards knew Alex and met us as he was unloaded.  They wheeled him back and then entire ED team was familiar with Alex and his issues.    

I told them the situation.  They worked with me about medication, deescalation and getting him home.  It is Friday night and they were also getting true emergencies in, but they made him their first priority.

They offered me solitary lockdown for Alex, for the weekend, if I wanted it.  They also called in meds to the local pharamcy if I wanted to take him home.  All us knew he should just go home.  So we did the meds, he scarily did not go to sleep and then four of us hauled him out to my car that my mom was driving kicking and screaming.  He totally calmed within 30 seconds of my Mom driving away from the hopsital which is what I told them would happen.  And then we went home and Alex went to sleep.

I do not know if Alex will do this whole drill again tomorrow.  The medical people were giving me real time instructions on how to medicate him in order to keep him home and out of the solitary confinement.   

We are all trying so hard to help him.  Alex has suffered damage.   Alex is suffering from perception and processing delays.  That is becoming clear.  Is his reasoning delayed or eschew due to trauma or something else, it is not clear.  

My different perspective is this - there are a lot of people stepping up to help this child.  They see he is suffering and they want to help him, just like me.  I also think that Alex is seeing the world from an odd angle.  I do not know if it is just twisted by trauma or if there is something else that is further accentuating the trauma perspective. 

What I know is that there are a lot people trying to help.  From the pink-fingernailed painted police officer to the tobacco chew spitting paramedic, then onto the intense faced hospital security supervisor and her laidback and vastly more Alex-experienced officers.  Then there are the nurses both hard as nails and yet so heart soft.  The volunteers that are there to help the kids are so sweet as they play games with him and try to help him calm.  Then there are the doctors, trying so hard to make the right decisions.  I think often feel the worse for them - medical doctors trying to help a mental health crisis. 

So we are home tonight.  Alex sleeps.  I scramble around the edges of our family life and try to figure out how we all move a couple of states to help Alex.  Because moving we will do.  Things are in process and I am trying to figure out what else can be done and what I must ask others. 

Life is kind of on its head right now but it is like one of my neighbors said when we were watching the police officer walk Alex back today, "if God brings you to it, he will give you the strength to endure."  Amen.

That is exactly right. 

God has, and will, give me the strength to endure what Alex must do.

And our family life goes on.  Dogs are loved, cats are fed, and my mom makes her soup stock on the stove tonight after I cut up vegetables and added way more garlic for her.  We continue to have different ideas about cooking but my stuff generally tastes better so she usually winds up agreeing with me.   

I guess I will wait and see what tomorrow brings.