So sweetheart did not come home today

The out-of-state placement agreed to accept Alex and then asked me to have the facility here keep him until I could fly out with him Sunday.  I made a lot of quick phone calls late in the day  and got the hospital and insurance to agree to not discharge today.  If sweetheart had come home today, the out-of-control behavior would have started again.  He told me so on Monday and I absolutely believe him.  He usually does what his says he will do, no matter what adults try to do about it.  I am hopeful that the out-of-state placement will be helpful given they understood that Alex needs to stay where he is until the transfer happens.  I hope they can listen to Alex and listen to me.  If they do, he has a real chance to get better and back to being the happy little boy we all once knew.

Nobody at the hospital could help Alex with his anxiety about it all today.  Once I got everything handled, I tried to call him from work until I could stop by but staff would not put him on the phone. (add your favorite expletive string here!) 

I went and talked to Alex about it.  He was then fine with it all.  I explained everything in detail and why the plan had changed late in the day.  I do not know why the staff did not do that.  At some level I see some marginal improvement with Alex since he did not try and hide his eyes from me.  He still struggled with looking at me and when he did the look of love mixed with intense pain from him was almost too much for me.  He and I have always been very open and honest with one another so he knows I see the pain.  That is one of the side benefits of having a medically fragile child who has had many medical procedures - you both get used to sharing the pain issue.

I see it as an improvement that he is beginning to let me see the pain.  He and I will get there. 

He and I then talked about practical stuff like where were the rest of his clothing and what did he think he was taking when he leaves?  I asked about a really messy pile of paper that is Alex's version of neatly filing papers important to him and he immediately said of course he was taking that stuff - it is the Scooby Doo papers I have brought to him.  :) 

I then went home and hugged my other little one.  And I hugged her again.  And then we went shopping for groceries.   It is something we all love to do as a family.  One lady was charmed when she saw us seriously discussing which cans of vegetables to buy.  That is our family culture - one of happiness, togetherness and everyone having an opinion that is listened to and valued.  I am sad that Alex is not with us currently - he is missing so much happiness and daily joy. 

That being said, I am still listening to his opinion and valuing it.  When he can, he will come home.