I look forward to the discussions about him being hungry and what he gets to eat. The other day he was complaining that he had never seen his stomach kind of round out "like that." And his clothing is small. I am over the moon. And Sasha is carefully happy because he is growing bigger.
Thank you everyone - I love you all so much. The kind words mean so much. K and D I can feel your prayers surround us. I feel your love and arms surround us. Thank you. And do not worry, none of us can know how to proceed through such insanity. God is the only way through.
Ironically, yesterday one of the psychologists that interacts with Sasha told my Mom he totally "adores me." When I heard I totally cried - again. That is too much responsibility. And what can it be based on anyway - realistically? Of course I love him but what does that mean in his vision of the world?
Another day at school did not go so well. I think a "readjustment" is in order. Despite Sasha now becoming almost violent in his insistence to go to school, it is simply beyond his ability to cope - no matter how much he wants it.
So I consider adjustments at home. We have a psyc eval coming up soon so I will simply make things comfortable for Sasha while we wait. Mom is working hard at it with me too.
It is so sad really. Sasha and I have to talk about where the monsters might be in between the eruptions. So far our house is okay, my Mom's vehicle passes muster as does her house. But the yard has monsters in it as well as any corner or nook. Thank god the dogs bark so much and scare them all away.
My childhood did not give me monsters in the corners of my life or on the outside of my home. My childhood only knew freedom and possibility. That is one of the things I cry for - my life experience is not Sasha's.
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4 comments:
Congratulations on Sasha's growth! Our older adopted son gained a bunch of weight soon after coming home, too. I think it's a sign of Sasha's "blossoming" as he knows the love of a mom.
You are such an inspiration to me. Our younger adopted son has much milder attachment issues than Sasha, but they're still there--he gets frantic if there is any change in his environment (i.e. Dad goes out of town and comes back, we go away with him and the other kids for the weekend--pretty much any change). That fear translates into destructive behavior. My heart hurts for him, but it's also very frustrating not being able to leave him alone in a room for one minute at a time. I have certainly lost my temper with him a number of times. I can only imagine what you are going through.
And yet, I can see great progress in Sasha from your earlier posts. You are offering him unconditional love, which he is only able to accept a little bit at a time. I pray for the day when he can relinquish his fear and love you back with open arms.
Carolyn
How could he not adore you?! Of course he does! But I'm sure having that confirmed by someone else does hit that emotional chord. You have opened up new doors and lots of love for him that he is slowly making steps to trust and enjoy. With you by his side, he is so blessed!
Cindy & Vika
It seems in the short amount of time you've had Sasha you've meant more to him than anyone else has. You've given him so much it will take time for him to come to the realization that you'll be there and try to make life better for him. You're awesome!
How sweet to hear that Sasha adores you. I know how much those words mean to you! I know Sasha understands your love and devotion to care for him as he works through his emotions.
Glad that Sasha has grown too! So good to hear.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers!
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