We are in a difficult time right now. Sasha is in the process of totally flipping out. Things are hard. For a little boy who is having to take in so much there is an overload in process. Bathroom ettiquette, while joyfully embraced (he loves washing and drying his hands) was still so painfully new.

One night, when it was bathtime I noticed blisters on his feet and he told me the shoes the orphanage sent him in were too small. So the next day we went to buy him shoes and when I asked Irina to make sure he was okay with them (believe it or not he has clothing preferences which I learned about on a previous clothing buying trip) he told her he loved them because they were new. I do not know about you, the reader, but that is something that touched my heart. I never knew that the shoes put on my feet for the first time would be nothing if not new. Sasha's innocent observation is so deeply humbling.

The first time we went to the corner store he ran everywhere and touched everything. I bought so many bags of chip-like things he later refused to eat. It was all so overwhelming he could not listen to me and ran out the front door of the store and other adopting parents caught him (thank you Daniela, Chris and Chad - all parents of boys). The Babushka in the store lectured him about his behavoir and that he had to listen to his Mom. By the third trip he was still antsy but I had him accepting that he was responsible for a basket for our goods so that kind of kept him grounded. Of course the corner store trip is the tip of the iceberg.

There is the total lack of any life experience on his part. He has never seen a bald light bulb in a lamp so it took two attempted burns and other subsequent tries before he began to believe he could not touch a lit bulb. And the stovetop continues to be a source of neverending conflict. And then there is the microwave. It has a light and makes a ding when it stops. Sasha cannot wait work those buttons and heat things. Like for hours.

Sasha finally started to understand there was a different word for the park than the street. His life has been so isolated that he only knew the Russian word for street when he wanted to go outside. He does not understand the word for path (and I cannot find a Russian word for sidewalk). It took days for me to get him to understand the park was a separate place from the path.

That being said his behavoir has gotten way off the charts. The agency I adopted through only let me get about a sentence and a half out before they tell me it is my fault. They don't even know the problem and they still lay the blame at my feet. That is not helpful now.

And being at Vlad Inn has not been helpful for him. He has missed being with other children terribly. When we have found other children at the playground (it is a favorite for local parents to take their children to) it has not been enough since he is used to an orhanage full of children. Most of the other adopting families are here for young children so they are not really out about looking for playmates. When there are children here, our experience has been they are here for a birthday party so there are lots of children, balloons (which Sasha loves) and clowns. All of which he has not been invited to - so I am left with dragging Sasha past all of this. That totally sucks.

And that particular type of experience has sparked off at least three huge tantrums. The last one of which lasted for hours and hours. When I finally called one of the representatives here in Vlad so she could explain and verify what I had told him in Russian, it helped but for only a little while. So we struggle.

It was decided yesterday that Sasha should return to the orphanage for a few days. That was hard. I cried all the way through that. And I was so mad at everyone because they would not listen to me or help me and Sasha communicate. But in the end I decided it was best to go with all because it would give Sasha a way to create closure for himself. That is something I cannot do for him and others were reluctant to help with. But that is okay because my son is one self-sufficent dude. And closure he did. The night when it was decided I talked to Sasha about it and he was okay. I let him pack a bag with all his favorite food and toys.

I hear he was the hit of the orphanage. He spread all his treasures out on his old bed and regaled all with his stories of all his new experiences. The next day he asked about me and when I was coming back to get him. I miss him so much.

But for now I think it is best to leave him in the far away place. I miss him so much. I am so bored because everything I brought was for him (except my current cross stitch project) so I have nothing to do. I am able to watch the Russian and Asian stock markets here as the world teeters on word from America about the bailout but I am still bored, bored, bored. And heart-broken as I miss my son. I so hope this time gives him the closure he needs for his transition ahead. And so I wait.