I throw my hands up in joy

And then life was normal. I am still on hyper alert but the kid is okay. I adore Alex and I want nothing to happen to make him break again but as the doctors tell me, I still need to draw that normalcy line.

Gosh it is scary. We are in the transition period where every situation is a potential mind field. We talk about running and then we talk about how not to run. We practice. I step away. I let go of his hand. We talk about how he doesn't run when I let him take the garbage out. Alex and I are doing a lot of checking in with each other right now.

At one point late this afternoon, he was outside in the backyard and we were having a moment about him making his sister help with a chore. I am a firm believer that any child should not be made to do a chore at an earlier age than their older sibling first started doing the chore. Alex challenged me on that point today. I held firm and refused to allow his sister to do a chore he did not do at 7.

He gave me that look. I hate that look, because it has been the harbinger of the police, him being strapped down and transported to the children's hospital.  The last time it happened I sat down on the stairs to second floor inside my house and cried for what seemed like forever.  After that last time I learned that we had been assigned to a specific response officer so that the police can ensure consistent and knowledgeable help.  I hate that everyone has to work so hard.  I do love this police person becasue she grew up on this block and already knows so much about it all.

Back to this afternoon.  He did the frown. I held my ground. Nicely, sweetly, evenly. And he decided to not run. He decided.  He then finished the chore within about twenty seconds. Even he was surprised it ended so quickly and quietly.

I praised him for getting it done and then went back into the house and continued on with whatever I was going.  I prayed that God would help Alex.  Life in the house remained normal.

I realized at some point today, Alex keeps telling me he loves me. He cannot believe I kept our family life normal despite all he has done. It is like the experts told me, he was testing to see if I would keep him safe. of course, of course - that is what Mom's do.

I was chatting with a friend at one point today and she asked about how Daria is doing with all of this and I was surprised. Daria does great. I think that all the Alex drama has actually allowed her to bring to the family discussion some of her orphanage issues.  I do not mean to be trite but they are so small potatoes.  Still in the nurturing of a damaged child it was critical that they were addressed today.  And I did it happily for her.

We are family happily living together.  I realize now that much of drama we were having at home with Alex was driven by the school situation.  I wonder how many of us adoptive parents deal with difficult behaviors from our children that are caused by schools?

From the beginning, the school system blamed Alex for everything.  From the beginning his doctors said it wasn't him.  I believed the doctors.

Today I see a kid without the issues.  What I see is a survivor.

I throw my hands up in joy.