Kind of going through a rough spot

Alex has been struggling with multiple trips to the ER.  We just got back from the latest trip.  He did a few days at intreatment last week but it did not help.  We are working on getting him some longer term help but it is an uphill battle. 

He dismantled all the cell phones in the house and threw them into the crawlspace of of neighbors house.  They are unable to currently be retrieved.  And the neighbors are out of town. 

Then the very large rocks were thrown, the police were called, the police then ducked those very large rocks until the ENTs arrived and he was strapped down and transported.  In the ER they were rude to me, attempted to report me to our state Children's Services and then pumped him full of anti-psychotics and sent him home.  Barefoot. 

Alex is nine and knows he needs help.  He isn't getting it. 

They are now labeling him FAS and RAD.  He is not.   Alex just needs help.  He knows it and he isn't getting it.  He is now trying everything he can to get someone, anyone, to help him.

Alex is also testing me to see when I will leave.  He hits me, he rages at me, he spits at me.  He yells for me to leave.  After they pumped him full of all the icky drugs and he was laying in a heap on the floor almost out, they sent me in to talk to him.

Up he jumped as if they had given him nothing.  But he didn't hit me again and I walked him out of that room.  They wanted to stuff him in a car with security strong-arming him all the way.  I said no.  Alex would have to walk out alone or no go.  He did it. 

Alex is tired of being bullied at school.  He is sick to death of people punching him in the face or telling him he is stupid.  Alex is tired of kids sexually molesting him.  It happened at school in May and it happened the year before when I had a foster-to-adopt placment in my home.  The molestation of my son last year is part of the very long list of reasons why I would never recommend a domestic adoption - to anyone. 

So Alex sleeps tonight on a couch where I can see him until he goes to bed with me.  He is fighting to survive. 

The latest ER doctor gave me a perscription for the anti-psychotic drugs they are giving him in the ERs.  It says "as needed" and I asked what that meant.  He could not tell me.

So I am a Mom, with a little boy who needs more than a bit of help, who is left with trying to figure out "as needed."  When all the drama started today, I was taking a nap on the couch while Alex sat next to me watching SpongeBob.  There was no trigger.  There was no indication that he was going to escalate until the very large rocks started being thrown.  Do you suppose they think "as needed" begins with breakfast? 

I would rather call the police.  What if I get it wrong?  What if he overdoses? 

So I am kind of going through a rough spot.  Alex and I had beat the odds.  He was stable and our life was humdrum and kind of normal.  Now Alex is in the lost place.  He is in the lost place where those monsters rule.  I know those monsters from the before time.  They are big and they hurt Alex a lot.  I would give anything if Alex was not in the lost place. 

And he has a Mom who is a bit mouthy.  As these people fail him again and again and again, I point it out to them.  In explicit detail.  When they threaten me and attempt to harass me, I call them on it.  I was a military officer and I have been law for over twenty-five years and they still treat me horribly.  What happens to the normal mamas out there?  What happens to the families out there that step up to help the kids that so desparately need it.  I think they must mostly be destroyed. 

I spent a fair amount of my childhood in very remote places in the Rockies.  It was an amazing childhood.  I cannot not raise Alex there.  It would be insanity with no help.  So I stay where I am and dig in.  My family is already there, standing ready to dig in.  We will not lose Alex.

Alex is nine and he knows he needs help.  He is not getting it today.  We will try again tomorrow.

He is my miracle.  He has also hardened my position about adoption.  He would be dead but for me.  I hope that I can be his miracle again.