Listening to your kids and keeping them close pays off

Alex is done with running.  He said he is and has demonstrated it repeatedly.  He was absolutely marvelous at his sister's kindergarten graduation today.  The school psychologist for Daria's school was so charmed by him she insisted on taking a picture of us all eating on the lawn after the ceremony. 

Our Alex is back.  He is sweet, he is kind, he can cope with normal life.  It was hard for Alex during the graduation ceremony because he had never had one, but he coped.  I let him tell how those other schools never gave him such an opportunity.  I simply listened.  I then left him alone while I angled for those dias pictures all parents hope for - and he did not run.

I balanced seriously unstable plates of food and he did not run.  Kids were playing in the grass-covered park and when I told him I was worried something might happen - like a kid getting hurt, he listened and simply continued to sit and eat.  And then a kid did get hurt - and there were tears and wails, and general drama. Alex looked at me and said, " you were right, Mom."

Mom. That is who I am, Mom.  My kids are my job.  Because I keep doing my job, our Alex is back. 

More importantly he believes we are there for him. 

So we went to a late lunch/early dinner as a celebration.  Alex did not run.  He must have had a dozen opportunities.  He is right - he is done. 

After we got home he and his sister played for hours and hours - outside.  He struggled with Daria getting graduation flowers, gifts from her teachers and the general  joy she had.  But my miracle from Russia was okay with it all.  At the end of the night he came and gave her a jewel -a big huge pink jewel - like something from a pirates cache.  

I have never seen so much amazing generousity.  

Both of my kids are having the most amazing happiness right now.  

So I listening to your kids and keeping them close pays off for them and you.  

And I made sure I documented to the entire school system chain the problems Alex has faced.  It is not truely an IEP problem - it is an abuse problem.  Abuse by public officials.  Since I am one I find their intentional harming actions particularly sad.

It is simply wrong if anyone thinks that Alex being shown a switchblade by one of his abusers was okay. Yet, that is what the school people said.  How is a parent to act?

Alex has been so seriously abused and targeted I cannot help but feel rage.  I trusted these people.  I talked with these people and attempted to find consensus.  I was wrong to trust them.  If I had faced what he has I would have been so much worse.  I am a pacifist but I would have fought back.  My mom taught me that and I still am on the fence about whether to teach my kids that fight response or not.  What Alex has been subjected to by the school system is simply horrific. 

Every part of his life, both mentally and emotionally, has been within the easy access of those not acting in his best interests in the school system.  In the latest round they attempted to loop in his medical condition, making bizarre statements.  He is a cleft palate child and they had no reason to make those statements  Alex was right to run.  I want to run.  I want to run, far far away.  But  where would we go?  Our life is here.  The homes are here.  The friends are here.  My job is here.  Where could we run to and then how would we be safe?  What difference would running make?  We would only lose connection to all those who know what is happening to us is not okay.

We, me and Alex have done nothing wrong.  The family has done nothing wrong.  Friends keep mowing the lawn at my Mom's former house for now and they are ready to help me get it ready as a rental when I say.  So we stay.  I have a really good job which I love and they have been so amazingly wonderful about accommodating this situation. 

I so get Alex wanting to run.  But we will not.  We will stand and fight. 

Regardless, school people are in significant hot water.  

Those wagons you hear circling and those shotguns being loaded are not mine, they are those of the teams and teams of doctors making ready to continue to keep Alex safe.  And they are not happy with those that attempted to destroy Alex. 

Alex was once our miracle in Russia.  He is now our miracle here - at home.       

The final observation I would offer is to get your kids tested for everything eveyone can think of as soon as the waiting lists allow.  I did because I spoke to a psychiatrist in New York specializing in Russian foreign adoptions while still in Vladisvostok that I knew to get such early documentation,

Because I did I have documentation that the school system has caused significant intellectual and mental harm toward Alex and then refused to acknowledge it.  I only have it because of the doctors.

So go get it and do it.  It will save your child's life.  Because of it I can document objectively that the school system has made Alex worse.

It is like I told his teacher a couple of weeks ago when I picked him up  - the classroom was worse than what he was subjected to in an abusive Russian orphangage setting. I have documentation by doctors to prove that. 

It is not a matter of who said what - it is a matter of fact.


My kids sleep tonight - happily.  Thank the good lord for watching over this home.  We are blessed.  May all that read this feel the love too.

Take care and continue to fight for the kids.  They are counting on us.