Wow - what a day!

Wow. I am still reading the blog of what may be my new hero. And I thought my day went a bit south. At least do not have teenagers – yet. Yikes. I am already bracing for when Alex is driving age. He is so not going to be okay with me hiding the car keys until he is twenty. But I will unless I see his emotional age come up to meet his intellectual and physical age. There are two schools of thought on this issue of course. Some say he will and some say he won’t make the emotional leap forward. I plan for the worst and hope for the best. Alex has a way of surprising people.

Anyway, I finished putting everyone to bed and had a bit of a hissy fit complete with yelling and a few stomps that only my Mom saw. Today has SO not been my day.

I had a couple of those special ed meetings today for two different kids. At one meeting I had to be nice to a teacher that has made it so much more difficult for my little one home from Russia for only nine months. I so wanted to tell her all about it in Russian which I studied for my kids. That teacher speaks Russian so communication is not an issue. I so am not happy with people who treated cleft kids differently. Of course I was the adult and let it go. But I was not happy.

I then was the treat fairy to my kid’s classrooms and watched my nine-year-old disengage from reading time. No wonder he gets marked down for his behavior during that time of the day. I have never seen such poor, yet still complying with the rules, behavior. Wow. I am so incredibly impressed that he can behave so poorly while keeping the classroom rules. Surely such genius can be channeled for the greater good. He does take a person to the edge of sanity though – I feel for his teacher who is awesome but has thrown in the towel so we are going to try a different room.

Sometimes, as the daughter of a Marine, I think I should just hand out at mental helmets and flack jackets to my son’s teachers. That kid can really break a person down.

It wasn’t even 10 am when I hit the office at work and that was a crazy, crazy, crazy day there. I also got a call from the Governor’s office concerning the adoption issue on the home front that just meant I spent the night gathering papers, scanning them and then sending them by email. Apparently it was okay for state case workers to basically refuse to address the complaint - that is until the Governor's office heard I had already filed the discrimination complaint with the federal government.

Then, only then, did my Governor's office, charged with investigating discrimination begin to move. They kicked their state law obligations to the county level and they are out of time. I think I am sad. I do not know what to do to help them be better. I want them to be better because children and parents are desperately looking to them to help everyone. Frankly, if my super liberal county workers find a single woman with a strong support system and an excellent job unacceptable, what about all the others? I have a good parenting track record - what happens to the others?

I like the person I talk to there but my heart wonders - how many awesome parents are lost for kids that need them. I know I am awesome parent. I do it every day. I have done this for the state kids too.

Opportunities in life are like windows in time. Building families in time takes windows of opportunity. The windows of the parents need to line up with the windows of the kid(s) – those are the moments of opportunity - and then we all need to leap. We trust those who help line it all up. I do not yet know what to say about when the people we trust to hold our hands as we leap fail us.

I sought the state adoption option because their website described such a robust post-adoption support system. Given I had such little agency support in my first adoption I found that description to be so amazingly wonderful. Little did I know that the people touting their post-adoption support system would one day tell me I could never adopt because I was single. That was unexpected.

So I was nice to the Governor's office person and said I would send all that I had. Then my email server crashed partway through. Goodness it has been a day.

Anyway, the kids were in high gear – deregulation everywhere. I think I did go into the kitchen and cry a bit just so that I would not totally lose it. Calmness is the only path through it all. I used to say at work – fake it until you make it. That approach kind of works for the kids too. Even when I am so not calm, as long as the kids think I am, it all eventually evens out. Of course my hair is turning white at an amazing rate. Good thing I am blond. ;)

This day used to be one of my favorites. I love hearts, the color pink and I am kind of a sappy girl – sometimes. Now I see my kids struggle with this message of love and what it means in their lives. The kids try so hard. They misbehave and still hope for the box of chocolate. I was so close to eating their lovely candy last night – they just do not know how much I love them and want to give them more than they think they deserve.

I think this holiday will be hard for them until that feeling of love seems like something they can have – forever. And maybe they will never know for sure. I can be okay with that too. I will still try to make sure they know I love them – no matter what.

My son made me a bracelet made of hearts strung on a pipe cleaner. That is my new favorite piece of jewelry – if I can just stop stomping out the emotional brush fires long enough to put it on.

I still love pink though – and hearts. Maybe someday my kids will trust in my love enough to not make it such a difficult day. I still think I should have gotten a Valentine Day family portrait. We do it for Christmas, why not for the day of love? I told you I was a sap. :)