We are home

I am sorry it has taken me so long to let everyone know we are home. I want to thank everyone for all your kind thoughts. Getting home was a nightmare. He pretty much tantrumed non-stop throughout the entire trip home. Customs just waived us through. He broke loose while we were going back through airport security and we basically destroyed the line markers in the chase. He just raged about everything. My airline got us on an earlier flight because until then he did better on the plane than in the airports. People were so sweet in helping me. At one point it took me over 40 minutes to walk across the way to the bathroom. And then we were home.

I am working on getting him help. And I hope time will help. He is struggling so hard. So I will not be posting much in the near future so that I can focus on helping Sasha.

We cleared the U.S. Embassy Today - Yeah!!

So Sasha and I did the embassy visit today to get his visa for entry into the United States. It is a pretty amazing experience. And I really did feel like I was walking back onto American soil even though a lot of the gatekeepers were Russian and there were a lot of Russians (waiting for their own immigration visas) right next to where the "baby people" were waiting. And most of the other families were there with babies. There was one other older boy but of course he was much calmer than Sasha. My son is one live wire. I felt really, really sorry for the other adoptive family that had to ride with us today because of course Sasha threw a totally outrageous tantrum in the van on the way to and from the embassy. And he was quite the little run-about crazy boy during the waiting process. He is still so overwhelmed that the new experiences really push his behavior out of bounds. But you know he is coping. At one point he set on my lap in the waiting room and we just kind of made sillies at one another. When I went to visit him in the orphanage back in March he would never show how important it was for me to be there when others were around. Yet, when everyone wasn't looking or out of the room, he would cuddle close and I would tell him I loved him in Russian.

It has become a kind of a game for us. He sits on my lap, leans back and then I am to whisper that I love him in Russian. He gives me the look, I repeat and then he leans in close to actually hear the words. It is kind of cute actually. And it is something he needs to hear. For me, I am happy to do that and it is often one of the few moments of calm in this really stressed out kid's day. At one point some of the other parents waiting at the embassy were looking at me sort of like - "are you insane - why this kid?" It is because of the moment when he smiles because he knows I really do love him. No matter what.

Enough of the mushy stuff. For most of the day he was a real problem. But then we got home (for him hotel rooms are home now) and while he wanted a bath and to go to bed he was a real trooper when I told we had to go to the pharmacy and the grocery store. And the bank.

My agency is still doing an awful job of actually helping with getting Sasha taken care of in the way he needs - medically. I told them when I got off the plane from Vlad that most of his liquid meds had spilled during the flight and that I needed help replacing them otherwise he tantrums non-stop. After I was dropped off with the other family by the driver today I called the agency and told them I still needed to replace those meds!!!! A few minutes later, they had a young translator call me and tell me to go to the pharmacy and then call her so she could talk to the pharmacist. And I needed to find Sasha apple juice. Hence the list of stops to make.

We went to the pharmacy first. It is difficult to juggle a young boy and tiny cell phone and try to tell the pharmacist, in my very broken Russian, what I needed. A really wonderful Russian man stepped in and translated everything for me. Apparently there is no way to get those meds without seeing a doctor. When I then called the translator to confirm, she said there was not a way that could be done. Clinics were closed and they were not open on the weekends. I told her the agency had to figure out something tomorrow - because the tantrums she has already witnessed are nothing if he is not medicated. I cannot get on planes without it. She did not leave me hopeful. My adoption agency totally sucks. I mean they totally suck.

Anyway, Sasha still needed apple juice and there just happened to be a market below the pharmacy. The front desk man had directed me to a local Russian pharmacy so that I could get a better price. What a sweetie. So we went to the seriously Russian local market. I loved it. It was so Russian. The stores we saw in Vlad were so "western" in comparison. Here produce was still in the boxes and things were either there or they were not. Since Sasha had helped me figure out what we needed earlier he was such a jewel at letting me know what we needed to find next.
And then there was the checkout line. In a typical Russian line formation.

We then went to the bank to exchange more dollars into rubles. Sasha and I had popped in earlier, before the pharmacy, saw the long line and left. When we came back Sasha and I sat down for a long wait. He was getting tired so he was doing a very good imitation of being a quiet boy. An older lady finishing up remembered us from before and turned to lecture the men in front of us about letting the mama with a little boy go before them. She was very, very stern to them. Made me sit up even straighter and caused my eyes to widen. Even I knew enough Russian to knew they were given strict marching orders. :) Then she left, in full glory. When the next person left a bank manager was on her feet motioning me into the exchange booth even before the men gestured for me to go ahead of them. It was so sweet. I, being the silly American, kept thanking everyone in Russian. And I could not believe Sasha was so good!!!!

That is the best thing about this whole process - the actual Russians on the street. I am so scared, especially with this little boy tagging along who has his moments, but the people have been absolutely wonderful. To a person. This morning, when we were checking out of the first hotel in Moscow, when people found out he was adopted, they gave him a stuffed toy from their gift shop. When I finally got to our new hotel in Moscow after the embassy visit the front desk person (his name was Alexander too - Sasha is the nickname) was elated to find out Sasha's name and that he was keeping it. He then let me know the bell hop who was going to help me to the room was also a Sasha. And I think he gave me a really nice room on purpose. It has a little hallway at the entrance that overlooks the front of the hotel which is a very, very nice view. I get so much crap from the agency who is actually supposed to help me with problems that the generosity of spirit from strangers in a strange land almost drops me to my knees.

And I think it has actually been good for Sasha. He sees the difficulty of daily life. Just finding apple juice, from his perspective is difficult. And he sees me being respected by other Russians and how hard I am working at it all. I had stopped in at a second pharmacy to see if we could get a better answer concerning the meds and the crush of humanity in there was horrific. And he sees how other Russian children act in public, also something he has never seen.

When we finally got to where he calls home tonight he was a real sweetie. He patiently waited for me to kind of whirl about the room while I unpacked and tried to decide about what to order from room service. He finally got to bathe which is his favorite thing to do of the day. Then he ate Siberian pelmani with me. And then off to bed. He looked for all his favorite stuffed toys. Three weeks ago he had none he could call his own. He went to sleep tonight without rocking. I actually cried a little when I saw that happen. So he sleeps. Thank god. And hopefully he will not start his day at 2 a.m. tomorrow.

Anyway, enough of the sappy stuff. It is pretty clear the adoption agency people will not help me get what Sasha needs before I leave Russia. They totally suck. I do not even know who to complain to - they were the resource for when things went wrong. But you know I got a glass ball from them that will probably put me over the weight limit so it is all good - right? Not. Not even a little bit.

Tomorrow We Fly to Moscow

Yesterday we got Sasha's birth certificate and today we recieved his Russian passport and the medical report for the embassy. I also managed to go back to the toy store and buy another version of the doll that sings hims to sleep (the other one got broken). In a little while I will begin the packing for the trip. I did pretty good at not buying too much food for the room while I was here but I still over bought on milk and juice. Oh well.

That is one of the nice things about the Vlad Inn is that if the suites are available they give them to adoptive families. So Sash and I began in a small hotel room and then moved to a suite which is pretty nice. The kitchen is a special blessing with its full refrigerator and stove. And it has dishes which is really nice. The extra room was deeply appreciated, especially in the beginning given it helped with all the running and screaming.

But we never figured out how to use two tvs. When the tv is on Sasha is in the room with me. There is no real time spent apart. Which is okay by me. We have already spent most of his life apart so I figure he is making up for lost time. Please think good thoughts for us as we get on that nine hour flight to Moscow tomorrow. It should be an interesting flight. :) Take care, Sarah

Sasha is home

I want to thank everyone for all your kind support. Of course it is not my fault and it just underlines the agency problems given that was the respone. Everyone's kind support is so helpful to me as I struggle through getting this all done. And just in case you all do not know MamaSten is the most amazing person I have ever met. So inspiring. While I would say that what I am going through is not impacted whether I am here alone or with a posse, I would say that if I wanted anyone here (other than Mom) it would be MamaSten. That being said she is home with her little ones and being here would not change reality.

It has been hard. Not because I am alone here but it is hard because of the serious and long term ramifications of it all. As if adopting a bi-lateral cleft child was not enough. There is no question, Sasha is still pretty off the charts bahvoir-wise. Everybody sees it. It is not just transition stress or blah, blah, blah but something more. And because the behavoir is off the charts I had to do a lot of thinking the last several days. I love him so much. And he needs help so much. And it is so much work - and we are not even home yet!!!

Tonght we did the american family thing - pretty much. After everything, he took a bath, he refused to sleep, laid down in front of the tv and slept. Thank god. He did not violently rock tonight. That is the worst thing in the world for me to see -that self soothing behavior. I know it is typical for children that have been institutionalized for life but I still do not like it.

So now he sleeps. I so love him so - may God bless us.

We are in a difficult time right now. Sasha is in the process of totally flipping out. Things are hard. For a little boy who is having to take in so much there is an overload in process. Bathroom ettiquette, while joyfully embraced (he loves washing and drying his hands) was still so painfully new.

One night, when it was bathtime I noticed blisters on his feet and he told me the shoes the orphanage sent him in were too small. So the next day we went to buy him shoes and when I asked Irina to make sure he was okay with them (believe it or not he has clothing preferences which I learned about on a previous clothing buying trip) he told her he loved them because they were new. I do not know about you, the reader, but that is something that touched my heart. I never knew that the shoes put on my feet for the first time would be nothing if not new. Sasha's innocent observation is so deeply humbling.

The first time we went to the corner store he ran everywhere and touched everything. I bought so many bags of chip-like things he later refused to eat. It was all so overwhelming he could not listen to me and ran out the front door of the store and other adopting parents caught him (thank you Daniela, Chris and Chad - all parents of boys). The Babushka in the store lectured him about his behavoir and that he had to listen to his Mom. By the third trip he was still antsy but I had him accepting that he was responsible for a basket for our goods so that kind of kept him grounded. Of course the corner store trip is the tip of the iceberg.

There is the total lack of any life experience on his part. He has never seen a bald light bulb in a lamp so it took two attempted burns and other subsequent tries before he began to believe he could not touch a lit bulb. And the stovetop continues to be a source of neverending conflict. And then there is the microwave. It has a light and makes a ding when it stops. Sasha cannot wait work those buttons and heat things. Like for hours.

Sasha finally started to understand there was a different word for the park than the street. His life has been so isolated that he only knew the Russian word for street when he wanted to go outside. He does not understand the word for path (and I cannot find a Russian word for sidewalk). It took days for me to get him to understand the park was a separate place from the path.

That being said his behavoir has gotten way off the charts. The agency I adopted through only let me get about a sentence and a half out before they tell me it is my fault. They don't even know the problem and they still lay the blame at my feet. That is not helpful now.

And being at Vlad Inn has not been helpful for him. He has missed being with other children terribly. When we have found other children at the playground (it is a favorite for local parents to take their children to) it has not been enough since he is used to an orhanage full of children. Most of the other adopting families are here for young children so they are not really out about looking for playmates. When there are children here, our experience has been they are here for a birthday party so there are lots of children, balloons (which Sasha loves) and clowns. All of which he has not been invited to - so I am left with dragging Sasha past all of this. That totally sucks.

And that particular type of experience has sparked off at least three huge tantrums. The last one of which lasted for hours and hours. When I finally called one of the representatives here in Vlad so she could explain and verify what I had told him in Russian, it helped but for only a little while. So we struggle.

It was decided yesterday that Sasha should return to the orphanage for a few days. That was hard. I cried all the way through that. And I was so mad at everyone because they would not listen to me or help me and Sasha communicate. But in the end I decided it was best to go with all because it would give Sasha a way to create closure for himself. That is something I cannot do for him and others were reluctant to help with. But that is okay because my son is one self-sufficent dude. And closure he did. The night when it was decided I talked to Sasha about it and he was okay. I let him pack a bag with all his favorite food and toys.

I hear he was the hit of the orphanage. He spread all his treasures out on his old bed and regaled all with his stories of all his new experiences. The next day he asked about me and when I was coming back to get him. I miss him so much.

But for now I think it is best to leave him in the far away place. I miss him so much. I am so bored because everything I brought was for him (except my current cross stitch project) so I have nothing to do. I am able to watch the Russian and Asian stock markets here as the world teeters on word from America about the bailout but I am still bored, bored, bored. And heart-broken as I miss my son. I so hope this time gives him the closure he needs for his transition ahead. And so I wait.