Rides to the ER and adverse drug effects

We have been going through just a bit.  Finally got Alex into a day treatment program that is awesome for dealing with his anxiety and fears but then most of this week was taken up with doctor appointments.  His long standing psychologist was so unhappy to learn that Alex had de-stabilized due to being bullied and assaulted at school.  His perspective was a nice reality check and confirmed that, in fact, Alex had been okay for a long time now.  Tuesday we checked in with his long term psychiatrist and all was happy there too.  Gosh I love those guys.  Alex does too.

Then we went to the pediatricians appointment.  Alex saw someone that he had met during his ER visits and seeing her set him off.  It seems like maybe she reminded him of something from the before time in Russia.  Anyway, his very sweet and wonderful pediatrician called for security who then walked him over to the ER so that he could be sedated.  He was being so very violent.  And then he went to sleep.

He woke up this morning all happy and ready to go to school (day treatment).  And then the adverse reaction to medication he had been given before started.  I was on the phone to all the doctors.  The psychiatrists called me back and told me to take him to the ER.  Alex then went into severe dystonic shock.  I call it shock, they call it a reaction.  It was scary as heck.

I saw him experience a milder form of it when we were leaving Russia and were having problems with his medications I was given by the orphanage.  I did not know what it was then and nobody told me.  But what I saw was never to this extent. He eyes rolled back in his head and his body literally bent backward into a u-shape.  His face became unrecognisable. 

He was terrified.  I was seriously stressed.  I kept holding his head to try and relieve the pressure of it bending painfully backwards.  The very nice fireman carried my now rigid but terrified son out to the emergency vehicle.  They immediately gave him Benadryl and I rode with him to the ER.  They confirmed it was an adverse drug reaction.  Alex slept awhile and I went and got coffee.  He seemed fine and we went home. 

After a little while he went back into dystonic shock.  It started escalating faster than it had this morning so I didn't waste time - I called 911.  The same very nice fireman showed up with everyone else and he carried Alex back out for a benadryl shot in the emergency vehicle.  He noted that it wasn't so bad this time.  I responded that I hadn't waited so long before calling.   It was the very nice fireman that told me that with this particular drug it takes two days before the side effects start to disappear.

The medics called the ER and they refused to treat.  They said to just keep giving him benadryl.  The doctors had given me a prescription for something less.  The medics drove me over to the drug store and I stocked up on benadryl.  They were awesome. 

So we sit in the house tonight and watch.  And medicate with over the counter Benadryl.  My Mom noted Alex was starting to seize up when the medicine was due.  It is all so very scary. 

I will sleep holding him in my arms tonight to make sure he is safe.  I will awake every few hours to an alarm clock.  My little sweetie.  It sucks to have to process so much trauma.  I will be talking to the doctors tomorrow about no more anti-psych drugs.  If they need to stop the violent behavior they need to use something less potentially lethal - like a tranquilizer.  

My summation of the day is this - I think Alex violently acted out in Russia, and now here, because of trauma and other things.  His reactions, while extreme, were and remain appropriate.  Despite that fact, both in Russia and here, the doctors are quick to turn to the anti-psych drugs, further causing damage. 

I blame nobody.  I harbor no rage toward anyone.  I cannot even summon a bit of irritation at Alex for putting himself in such harms way.  I just want to get Alex enough time to stabilize and come back from his nightmares.  I call them nightmares but it may be more appropriate to call them memory based dreams.

We have all the best people on it.  Alex is trying so hard himself.  At least he and I have each other through it all.  When he was first panicking and screaming this morning, I had to yell for him to hear that help was here.  He was still in full panic, with his eyes rolling back and his body seriously in spasm and so I yelled at him, "have I ever lied to you?!?"  He screamed no but he could not see me anymore.  So I told him I was holding his head and that help was here because I could see them.  He coped.  He believed because I do not lie to him - ever. 

That is relationship.  Being there for your kid and him knowing it.

Alex has hardened my position about adoption.  People need to do it.  But they need to be prepared.  I was and to the extent I was not I got help and learned.  Alex will be okay, but it is only because I went and brought my son home.  No one else could have done my mama job.

I think I may adopt yet again.  Shush - I know it sounds crazy but my miracle has taught me well.  Kids will do well if they can.  Kids need love and time.  If I do try again I need to set up some kind fund people can contribute to I think. It is seriously expensive to get kids out of Russia.  My insurance is awesome so more kids needing medical help is not an issue.  Just getting them home is the financial trick. 

And then there is Daria, the sister of Alex.  Alex and I found her in a psych ward in Russia and she is a perfectly normal little girl but has a cleft palate.  She and I were walking home today and she told me she decides to be happy every day.  She decides and she is - truly.  Daria is a child that sings and dances every day.  She has a core of pure steel.  She is an awe inspiring example about the tenacity of children. 

So I may go back again.  Alex continues to harden my position about building a family through adoption.  I am so blessed to have such a gentle son.