I throw my hands up in joy

And then life was normal. I am still on hyper alert but the kid is okay. I adore Alex and I want nothing to happen to make him break again but as the doctors tell me, I still need to draw that normalcy line.

Gosh it is scary. We are in the transition period where every situation is a potential mind field. We talk about running and then we talk about how not to run. We practice. I step away. I let go of his hand. We talk about how he doesn't run when I let him take the garbage out. Alex and I are doing a lot of checking in with each other right now.

At one point late this afternoon, he was outside in the backyard and we were having a moment about him making his sister help with a chore. I am a firm believer that any child should not be made to do a chore at an earlier age than their older sibling first started doing the chore. Alex challenged me on that point today. I held firm and refused to allow his sister to do a chore he did not do at 7.

He gave me that look. I hate that look, because it has been the harbinger of the police, him being strapped down and transported to the children's hospital.  The last time it happened I sat down on the stairs to second floor inside my house and cried for what seemed like forever.  After that last time I learned that we had been assigned to a specific response officer so that the police can ensure consistent and knowledgeable help.  I hate that everyone has to work so hard.  I do love this police person becasue she grew up on this block and already knows so much about it all.

Back to this afternoon.  He did the frown. I held my ground. Nicely, sweetly, evenly. And he decided to not run. He decided.  He then finished the chore within about twenty seconds. Even he was surprised it ended so quickly and quietly.

I praised him for getting it done and then went back into the house and continued on with whatever I was going.  I prayed that God would help Alex.  Life in the house remained normal.

I realized at some point today, Alex keeps telling me he loves me. He cannot believe I kept our family life normal despite all he has done. It is like the experts told me, he was testing to see if I would keep him safe. of course, of course - that is what Mom's do.

I was chatting with a friend at one point today and she asked about how Daria is doing with all of this and I was surprised. Daria does great. I think that all the Alex drama has actually allowed her to bring to the family discussion some of her orphanage issues.  I do not mean to be trite but they are so small potatoes.  Still in the nurturing of a damaged child it was critical that they were addressed today.  And I did it happily for her.

We are family happily living together.  I realize now that much of drama we were having at home with Alex was driven by the school situation.  I wonder how many of us adoptive parents deal with difficult behaviors from our children that are caused by schools?

From the beginning, the school system blamed Alex for everything.  From the beginning his doctors said it wasn't him.  I believed the doctors.

Today I see a kid without the issues.  What I see is a survivor.

I throw my hands up in joy.   

Listening to your kids and keeping them close pays off

Alex is done with running.  He said he is and has demonstrated it repeatedly.  He was absolutely marvelous at his sister's kindergarten graduation today.  The school psychologist for Daria's school was so charmed by him she insisted on taking a picture of us all eating on the lawn after the ceremony. 

Our Alex is back.  He is sweet, he is kind, he can cope with normal life.  It was hard for Alex during the graduation ceremony because he had never had one, but he coped.  I let him tell how those other schools never gave him such an opportunity.  I simply listened.  I then left him alone while I angled for those dias pictures all parents hope for - and he did not run.

I balanced seriously unstable plates of food and he did not run.  Kids were playing in the grass-covered park and when I told him I was worried something might happen - like a kid getting hurt, he listened and simply continued to sit and eat.  And then a kid did get hurt - and there were tears and wails, and general drama. Alex looked at me and said, " you were right, Mom."

Mom. That is who I am, Mom.  My kids are my job.  Because I keep doing my job, our Alex is back. 

More importantly he believes we are there for him. 

So we went to a late lunch/early dinner as a celebration.  Alex did not run.  He must have had a dozen opportunities.  He is right - he is done. 

After we got home he and his sister played for hours and hours - outside.  He struggled with Daria getting graduation flowers, gifts from her teachers and the general  joy she had.  But my miracle from Russia was okay with it all.  At the end of the night he came and gave her a jewel -a big huge pink jewel - like something from a pirates cache.  

I have never seen so much amazing generousity.  

Both of my kids are having the most amazing happiness right now.  

So I listening to your kids and keeping them close pays off for them and you.  

And I made sure I documented to the entire school system chain the problems Alex has faced.  It is not truely an IEP problem - it is an abuse problem.  Abuse by public officials.  Since I am one I find their intentional harming actions particularly sad.

It is simply wrong if anyone thinks that Alex being shown a switchblade by one of his abusers was okay. Yet, that is what the school people said.  How is a parent to act?

Alex has been so seriously abused and targeted I cannot help but feel rage.  I trusted these people.  I talked with these people and attempted to find consensus.  I was wrong to trust them.  If I had faced what he has I would have been so much worse.  I am a pacifist but I would have fought back.  My mom taught me that and I still am on the fence about whether to teach my kids that fight response or not.  What Alex has been subjected to by the school system is simply horrific. 

Every part of his life, both mentally and emotionally, has been within the easy access of those not acting in his best interests in the school system.  In the latest round they attempted to loop in his medical condition, making bizarre statements.  He is a cleft palate child and they had no reason to make those statements  Alex was right to run.  I want to run.  I want to run, far far away.  But  where would we go?  Our life is here.  The homes are here.  The friends are here.  My job is here.  Where could we run to and then how would we be safe?  What difference would running make?  We would only lose connection to all those who know what is happening to us is not okay.

We, me and Alex have done nothing wrong.  The family has done nothing wrong.  Friends keep mowing the lawn at my Mom's former house for now and they are ready to help me get it ready as a rental when I say.  So we stay.  I have a really good job which I love and they have been so amazingly wonderful about accommodating this situation. 

I so get Alex wanting to run.  But we will not.  We will stand and fight. 

Regardless, school people are in significant hot water.  

Those wagons you hear circling and those shotguns being loaded are not mine, they are those of the teams and teams of doctors making ready to continue to keep Alex safe.  And they are not happy with those that attempted to destroy Alex. 

Alex was once our miracle in Russia.  He is now our miracle here - at home.       

The final observation I would offer is to get your kids tested for everything eveyone can think of as soon as the waiting lists allow.  I did because I spoke to a psychiatrist in New York specializing in Russian foreign adoptions while still in Vladisvostok that I knew to get such early documentation,

Because I did I have documentation that the school system has caused significant intellectual and mental harm toward Alex and then refused to acknowledge it.  I only have it because of the doctors.

So go get it and do it.  It will save your child's life.  Because of it I can document objectively that the school system has made Alex worse.

It is like I told his teacher a couple of weeks ago when I picked him up  - the classroom was worse than what he was subjected to in an abusive Russian orphangage setting. I have documentation by doctors to prove that. 

It is not a matter of who said what - it is a matter of fact.


My kids sleep tonight - happily.  Thank the good lord for watching over this home.  We are blessed.  May all that read this feel the love too.

Take care and continue to fight for the kids.  They are counting on us.

kiss your kids and hold them close

I have had better days.  Did an IEP meeting today.  Those people sure make me sad.  They really said I did not see my son punched in the face.  omg.  That was last year.

This year he was threatened with a knife in addition to being repeatedly punched and taunted.  Nobody at the meeting knew about the knife threat even though I reported it to the principal. They said it could not have happened becasue they, who did not know about the incident, had not seen the knife.  

They judge Alex without acknowledging he is in harms way. 

Alex is right to run.  Alex is right to take the biggest rocks he can find and throw them at the house.  Alex is right to run down the street looking for a safe home, any place that can protect him.


Alex is right, Alex is right, Alex is right.  He has not been safe.  I trusted others to keep him safe and I was wrong. 

I did not keep him safe.  But I am learning.

I keep him close, so very close now. 

My son is a survivor.  He is nine.  He deserves better.  At least in Russia the officials did not allow ten-year-olds be be armed with knives.  I used to tell him this was a better place.  I watch him sleep less then ten feet from me with his dog blocking all access to him and I wonder.

Was I right or is he? 

Listen to your kids.  Then hold them close.  Keep them safe.  At any cost.