Some of the things people don't warn you about

Daria got up today and didn't want to go to school today because her arm hurt where Alex accidentally grabbed it yesterday while they were playing on the helicopter teeter tooter.  Nice try, but no dice.  It is fine, not even a bruise.  The tiny one went to school and was forced to learn something another day.  She is still so resistant to learning though.  She makes me tired. When she forgets herself she is functioning at a second grade level in reading Russian and math.  That little stinker.  What a little slacker.  The trick is to get her to buy into the work and she has been resistant to it. 

Then there is the Wonder Boy.  Wow he was in a difficult mood this morning.  The report home from school was even worse.  At least they didn't call me about it.  I guess my telling them yesterday that they needed to "figure it out" gave them an insensitive to try and work it out.  I know the kid isn't easy but all his specialists say that if people know how to work with difficult behaviors he is easily redirectable and works so hard to please.  Just got to get him past screaming - maybe let him be safe?  Works at home. 

Anyway, after an okay afternoon and a difficult evening where he screamed in the back yard (what must the new young, want to start a family, neighbors think?!?!?)  until he finally came into the house, sat down and ate dinner. 

After awhile he came and sat on my lap.  He then told me that the monsters were in his head today.  He told me they came into his dreams last night and were still there when he woke.  Gosh I wish he had told me that this morning.  I told him, that if he had I would held him close today and taken him to work with me. 

Then he was okay.  I asked him if the monsters were still there in his mind and he said they had gone away.  The rest of the night was normal nine-year-old boy night.  That boy sure can dwadle when it comes to folding clothes. 

After all this time I still miss the marks or "tells" that he gives out.  Yet, family life still functions and everything is okay.

And maybe it is because of the procdure on Monday.  We did a scope (a small camera that enters his nose and goes down the back of his throat) to check the back of his throat and vocal cords.  I reminded him that is was no bigger than the spagetti he used to pull through the holes in his palate before graft surgery to freak people out.  It certainly was smaller than the blueberries he developed a sort of game with - and that reassured him.  It was nothing more than stuff he had already managed to conquer invading his nascal cavities.  Gotta love a cleft child. 

The caluses on his vocal cords due to excessive screaming make my mama heart cry.  He came home with those.  He has screamed so much and not gotten worse so I can only imagine what he did before.  No wonder it is so easy for him to rage and cry at the top of his lungs when mad, angry or scared.  He has had a lot of practice and has done a lot of damage.   His cranio-facial clinic speech therapist has said that from the beginning and she is right.  I saw it on the camera.

And there is so much reconstruction of his throat ectera needed just from his general cleft issues.  My goodness.  Alex did so well before, during and after.  But maybe it triggered a hidden memory.  And maybe it just made him feel unsafe.  or maybe it was nothing.  Who knows.  I just wish I had known about the monsters this morning. 

Then he became that normal little boy again with the hurt in his eyes while he tried to comply and please.  I so hate those moments.  I do not ask for them and I think they are something in response to the "before time" and I hate the look in his eyes.

I think it had nothing to do with the medical stuff, I think he is processing being in a loving family and it hurts.  I have had foster kids that will never get that far in processing normal life given where they started.  Kids left in harms way have so much grief and rage about it all - I weep for them.  But of course I could not tonight in front of the kid.  While he was up it was life as normal - no ripples from Mom.   

So as my babies sleep tonight, I think about all they overcome everyday and I am in awe.  They are amazing and they rock.  We are such a family full of joy. 

Daria goes into a growth hormone test next week.  She has asked that Alex be there and he agreed.  We will go have ice cream after.  We definitely need to move closer to that medical center. 

God bless, Mama Sarah