Lazy Day at Home

My kids humble me.  While waiting for dinner they begged for a carrot to chew after learning they were part of dinner and available.  Alex being Alex insisted on two. Hence the pictures.  Note the dog nose in the lower part of Alex's pictures.  His dog Boomer goes everywhere with him. 

It was sunny today so after a lazy day at home, I set up the Barbee and started fixing grilling delicacies.  Actaully, I got up early and worked most of the day on some work thing but the kids (and my mom) had a lazy day. The veggies were done first with the other delacies eventually being cooked.

The kids just ate everything in sight. Then there was jockeying for bath-time while I was baking cookies and Alex's favorite, bread-pudding. 

All the while I talked about what vegetables and outside herbs I could plant (maybe) this year.  I continue to want the three chickens our city allows.  My university did a study and a three chicken paradigm is optimal in a city situation. 



I grew up in the country (mostly Montana)  so I still struggle with matching my memories of what a childhood should have and what I do today for my kids.  I must be doing something right though - my kids demanded carrots to tide them over until dinner.  There were other options available.  And they both already had chocolate in their secret places of goodies so I was happy they insisted on chomping carrots.  I think I must be doing okay on giving my kids the awesome childhood I enjoyed.  I hope so.  My life as a kid was a wonderful place to be.  Even with my sisters.    I always knew I was loved and played so much.  And I was happy.  So very happy.  That is what I want to give my kids.  So even when Alex (and sometimes Daria)  exhibit the institutional and/or survival behavior they learned in thier "before life" - I just let it ride.  I refuse to let it seep into our family life.  It is slow but Alex has begun to believe.  His eyes when he interacts with me right now are so full of hurt expectation, I generally just want to fall to my knees and beg him to stop being so hurt.  I do not.  I would not speed up the healing process.  For him or me.  Daria does not yet believe. 

You can see it in her face of course in this picture.  Not only does she think I will tear that carrot from her hand but she has no expection I will remain in her life for her.  My daughter does not yet believe that her mother will let her eat.

I think this is a common view for children left without adequate family protection.  As I always say, time and love.  Time and love.

Back to tonight.  My mom particularly enjoyed the salmon I grilled for her.  Life is happy for our family.  We have sun.  We have each other.  My children, born with a facial anomolies, survived their "before time."  They are so amazing.  That carrot they insisted upon today was something they were not allowed before.  The people taking care of them in "the before time" would allow no solids for them.  My daughter still misses soups.  I generally do not like them and do not make them much.  I try more now simply because they bring her such joy.

That is what families do.  We love each other.  And we are there for each other. 

After all the scrambles for teeth brushing, baths, etc., I made chocolate chip cookies and a three fruit bread pudding (which Alex especially likes). 

All the kids sleep.  All the dogs sleep.  My mom sleeps.  Peace reigns. 

Life is good. 

Daria goes in next week for testing given her failure to grow.   She asked that Alex be there.  He has agreed. 

Alex will go into further reconstructive surgery in June.  He is not sure what he wants to get through that yet.  I am not sure what I will need either.  But we will endure - happily.   

We are a happy family.  God has blessed us all. 

Some of the things people don't warn you about

Daria got up today and didn't want to go to school today because her arm hurt where Alex accidentally grabbed it yesterday while they were playing on the helicopter teeter tooter.  Nice try, but no dice.  It is fine, not even a bruise.  The tiny one went to school and was forced to learn something another day.  She is still so resistant to learning though.  She makes me tired. When she forgets herself she is functioning at a second grade level in reading Russian and math.  That little stinker.  What a little slacker.  The trick is to get her to buy into the work and she has been resistant to it. 

Then there is the Wonder Boy.  Wow he was in a difficult mood this morning.  The report home from school was even worse.  At least they didn't call me about it.  I guess my telling them yesterday that they needed to "figure it out" gave them an insensitive to try and work it out.  I know the kid isn't easy but all his specialists say that if people know how to work with difficult behaviors he is easily redirectable and works so hard to please.  Just got to get him past screaming - maybe let him be safe?  Works at home. 

Anyway, after an okay afternoon and a difficult evening where he screamed in the back yard (what must the new young, want to start a family, neighbors think?!?!?)  until he finally came into the house, sat down and ate dinner. 

After awhile he came and sat on my lap.  He then told me that the monsters were in his head today.  He told me they came into his dreams last night and were still there when he woke.  Gosh I wish he had told me that this morning.  I told him, that if he had I would held him close today and taken him to work with me. 

Then he was okay.  I asked him if the monsters were still there in his mind and he said they had gone away.  The rest of the night was normal nine-year-old boy night.  That boy sure can dwadle when it comes to folding clothes. 

After all this time I still miss the marks or "tells" that he gives out.  Yet, family life still functions and everything is okay.

And maybe it is because of the procdure on Monday.  We did a scope (a small camera that enters his nose and goes down the back of his throat) to check the back of his throat and vocal cords.  I reminded him that is was no bigger than the spagetti he used to pull through the holes in his palate before graft surgery to freak people out.  It certainly was smaller than the blueberries he developed a sort of game with - and that reassured him.  It was nothing more than stuff he had already managed to conquer invading his nascal cavities.  Gotta love a cleft child. 

The caluses on his vocal cords due to excessive screaming make my mama heart cry.  He came home with those.  He has screamed so much and not gotten worse so I can only imagine what he did before.  No wonder it is so easy for him to rage and cry at the top of his lungs when mad, angry or scared.  He has had a lot of practice and has done a lot of damage.   His cranio-facial clinic speech therapist has said that from the beginning and she is right.  I saw it on the camera.

And there is so much reconstruction of his throat ectera needed just from his general cleft issues.  My goodness.  Alex did so well before, during and after.  But maybe it triggered a hidden memory.  And maybe it just made him feel unsafe.  or maybe it was nothing.  Who knows.  I just wish I had known about the monsters this morning. 

Then he became that normal little boy again with the hurt in his eyes while he tried to comply and please.  I so hate those moments.  I do not ask for them and I think they are something in response to the "before time" and I hate the look in his eyes.

I think it had nothing to do with the medical stuff, I think he is processing being in a loving family and it hurts.  I have had foster kids that will never get that far in processing normal life given where they started.  Kids left in harms way have so much grief and rage about it all - I weep for them.  But of course I could not tonight in front of the kid.  While he was up it was life as normal - no ripples from Mom.   

So as my babies sleep tonight, I think about all they overcome everyday and I am in awe.  They are amazing and they rock.  We are such a family full of joy. 

Daria goes into a growth hormone test next week.  She has asked that Alex be there and he agreed.  We will go have ice cream after.  We definitely need to move closer to that medical center. 

God bless, Mama Sarah