Children's Hope International removed us from their Blog listing today

Apparently, I have not been good enough about omitting the failures of CHI from this blog so I have been removed from their listing "since [they] believe that [my] representation of Children’s Hope International is not a correct one." They were silent about what I "got wrong." If they tell me what I got wrong I will post it and respond. I am personally honest enough that if they point out silliness on my part I will post that too. I face too many demons for my son these days to create anymore for anyone else ever. No exceptions.

Of course CHI did not ask after Sasha. That is not their focus. They do not care about him and never did. They are only focused upon themselves and the kids are an afterthought - only sometimes.

CHI has known about the violence and self-destructive tendencies from the beginning but have done nothing to help or provide support. I thank god everyday that I found Sasha but it seems to be a special cross I must bear that it was through such an inadequate source which pinpoints my dilemma. Without these losers I would have never been able to locate Sasha but man, do not think they have your backside. You are the first person they will target if anything goes amiss.

Ironically, I was given the direction today by CHI to contact Leslie Broome because she is a resource for us. Like I would contact that woman again after the repeated attempts to blame me for Sasha's damage. A day and half into having physical custody of Sasha in Russia I called her in desperation because he was so "out there." She told me I was the problem because I had provided him with "inconsistent parenting." After a day and half!!!!! I hadn't even had a chance to wake him up two days in a row. Hard to be inconsistent but hey that is the kind of support I got from the CHI. Sounds like a canned response from an agency that knows they facilitate damage. Ironically, CHI did not get better at providing support, only worse.

Whatever. On to the important stuff. I would like to clarify that not all children may come out of Russian orphanages this damaged. I have this child plugged into a lot of help and while some find this to be normal damage others offer that maybe he is at an extreme end of the bell curve (ALL THE MORE REASON FOR MY AGENCY TO BE THERE!!!). Sorry, sometimes the rants still slip out. In beginning people and doctors told me it was transition. I didn't buy it - no kid would go this far and I was right. Do not let people distract you.

But you know, letting Sasha know we know is an amazing thing. He is still too terrified to tell us the names or even most of particulars but having us there is helping him be better. I frankly would prefer not to know but he needs to be heard so listen I will - and try not to cry too much.

I was in his kindergarten class the other day and my heart broke when I saw Sasha throw himself to the ground and cower when a boy simply pointed at him in the circle when he was counting. Oh my god. I think he was only that reactive because I was there protecting him. As he tells us, all children are bad who will hurt him if they can. My task is now to find a child who will interact with him gently so that he knows he is safe with the other little ones. Not my idea - the doctors!

If I had my way I would waive a magic wand and make it all go away. Of course that is not possible so we cope. If you adopt a child from Russia (or another country) please find them a professional to work with them in their language. Even though I speak some Russian (with what I am now told is with a heavy accent), having medical professionals that speak his language help validate his new life for him. In the good ways and the bad. One of the specialists told me that it takes a child five years to be able to think in a new language. From my personal experience with Russian that may be an optimistic guess. For me, I was not willing to wait FIVE YEARS to figure out what my son had to say about everything in English. Do you want to wait???

I did not. So I talk with him in my heavily accented and broken Russian. I FOUND HIM SPECIALISTS AND INTERPRETERS to help. From my perspective, I found native Russians to be the most supportive in this situation both in country and out. They are the most wonderful and amazing people. I thank god there are so many Russian immigrants in my area so that I have hands I can reach out to and they hold on. Without them, some days would be even more hell than they are already are. And they give me the best "atta girls" for taking this life choice. So things go. Tomorrow I will see if we set a record for days in school before suspension. Pray for us, Sarah