Sasha is suffering from, at the very least PTSD. Not transition or "inconsistant parenting" issues. And the abuse is clearly evident. Even in Russia, after I went back to the orphanage to pick him up there were signs. My wee son had bruises under his arms of which I took photographs. Then we went to the latest doctor in Vlad I pointed them out to the doctor and the CHI rep and then I asked them to ask Sasha about the marks. He bowed his head even further and told us in a whisper the other children did it to him. My little boy is such a strong little boy. Both the CHI rep and the CHI paid doctor told that "the bruising would go away in a little while."
Of course it does not. Surface manifestations disappear but the paths they mark remain. My little one was severely harmed in the system. And not just in a purely sane way. My son is damaged in ways no child should be damaged. All lights in the house must be turned on, no exections. He screams at the sight of his kindergarten class coming to meet him. All of his screams, in pubic or at home, strike absolute terror in my heart. And he is totally obsessed with cats to the extent he even mimics them. He confines, traps and/or constrains them while "meowing" to them. He also often sits down, on the floor and precedes to use his "back leg" to clean himself. Oh my god.
But it would probably all be okay but for the myriad of changes of personality I see. The specialists have told me to watch for the possibility of multiple personalities but it is totally creepy to see.
So, that is how it goes. Because I speak Russian I spent days working with Sasha about Father Frost for Christmas so that day was great but then the next two days were a living hell. So now we prepare for school. Please pray for us. Now that I have totally written off the adoption agency maybe I will post more often.
Last night was a session in hell to get Sasha to go to sleep. It lasted 3 1/2 hours with all the drama one could expect from such a tramatized child. And then tonight it took ten minutes. Of course tonight had embedded in it the rescue of a dog from the local humane society. While that is a story for another day, the Mimis in the world do good. Thank you to all our mothers. I could not do it without you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Sarah,
I'm so sorry for all you've gone through over the last few months. I'm so sorry that no one was able to help you especially after seeing the marks of abuse during your visit to the doctor in Vlad. One thing I felt too while in Russia was that adoption was a business. Luckily, we had a good experience for the most part in country. We did feel that we were left to defend for ourselves in country whereas other countries do a better job at providing daily plans for the families. I just don't understand why they wouldn't reach out to you and give you additional help.
Near Glacier National Park in Montana, Joyce Sterkel works with families who have trouble with children adopted from Russia. She raised three Russian-born teens, one of them a boy who had tried to poison his first adoptive mother. You can read the story at the following website. Maybe you could try to call her for advice.
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Story?id=6322100&page=3
I really wish I had some words of wisdom to offer, but I'm truly out of words. I knew that you had dealt with many issues since home, but I had no idea the severity. It really puts things into perspective for me. I guess I should stop sweating the little things and be thankful that AM wasn't abused that we can tell.
My heart goes out to you Sarah. I know how much you looked forward to being a mom and I know this wasn't exactly what you had pictured. Please e-mail or call anytime you want to talk!! I'm here for you. Much love and hugs coming your way!!
Carey
Sarah, I just want you to know that I am sending hugs of love and comfort to you and your precious Sasha. I am so sorry that you both have had to go through such hard times. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers each day. I wish that I could do something to help you both. Carey and I care very deeply about you and your son. Love, Mimi Marilyn
Dear Sarah:
I am moved to tears; this is overwhelming and difficult stuff to read. I am sure you have reached out for help, but I just wanted to mention two groups, FRUA (Families for Russian and Ukranian Adoption and PEAR (Parent for Ethical Adoption Reform). I can't imagine going it as a single mom, but I think, maybe keeping this blog, plus a journal of the nitty-gritty daily grind may provide some solace, retrospectively. We plan to adopt two siblings from Russia; met them through a camp experience last summer, and they arrived with bruises all over. I got them to the doctor, just to let him be a witness, too. It was scary. I received mixed stories from the children about how it occurred and I watched how the older child hit the younger one for misbehavior-this is what is taught and is reinforced on all levels, from what I am beginning to understand about the orphanage hierarchy. I had a feeling of hypervigilance and stress, too, for that one month, and yes, I am scared, but know there are people out there who have been through it. I hope you find the right person(s) to help you through this huge transition and life journey. You are a great mom.
Post a Comment