I spent a lot of time in the gym today!!!

Believe it or not doing all those silly exercises helps to even everything out. And I did a lot of thinking about everything today. I remembered I have such a totally cool life. There are so many amazing people in my life. And there are so many people waiting for the little one to come home so that they can all meet him. I always think I live so quietly but I cannot believe how many people in my life simply expect, nay demand, up-to-the-minute news. And they have already made clear they expect to see him frequently. It is my quiet life for goodness sakes - these people even rarely see me - truly. Much less my academic studies - I live in awe of those people. :0 (I will talk about them in a later post - Dr. Freels is so totally way cool I cannot believe it!!!!!)

The total all - it is so wonderful I simply stand in awe of it all. :) I simply fell in love with a little one and then him for me. It all seemed so simple even though it is complex and difficult. I never considered anyone else would want to hear the story. After others prodded me it occurred to me that it might be helpful to others if I shared my stories from my first trip given it was such an awesome experience. The picture at the top of this page was taken on the bay in Vlad by another fantastic adopting family. They are such an inspiration to me. The sweetness of Peter telling Masha goodnight will never leave me. Of course we bring our children into our lives but his sweetness of giving her comfort while in the embrace of her new family will always make my heart remember. I was not blessed to see Peter welcome his sons after the process was done. But I know it went well!!!!

Such amazing people. That bay is edged by a small amusement park that was closed when we were there in March. I had hoped to take the little one there during the return trip since it was to be open in the summer but that may not happen.

Good thing in a way because then I would have some justification for buying that coat in the pic which while it was on a closeout sale (February in Portland is like spring in other places) but it still cost a bit. Soooo if I could use it for another really cold trip to Vlad my fiscally conservative feelings would be soothed. I am thankful that my mother, after my father died, took the family north to Montana in search of the perfect small town so that I could understand some places on the planet get really really cold - hence the coat. And the serious supply of the long underwear that helps out. And if you adopt in Vlad in the winter do not forget to get good footwear.

Tonight I will refrain from describing the most wonderful first meeting with my son simply because it needs to be done properly. It was such a wonderful experience that I want to make sure I get it all exactly right for everyone. That being said, I would note it is important to be busy and engaged while going through this process. My going to the gym is simply the tip of the iceberg. :)

One thing I did once I decided to adopt a waiting child was to read even more books on adoption and the adopted child. And the medical issues - I have read so much I can literally quote stats about the particular issues which makes me a somewhat cranky mama when people try to gloss over stuff because they see me as a non-medical person. I have read through such huge piles of stuff (in English and Russian) such that when people approach me about wanting to learn about adoption, I can pull books out addressing their specific issues. But I ultimately feel that is still a surface situation. The most important thing is being ready to love from the heart out.

I tend to do that anyway but I think we all need to remember it is how the heart loves that helps the children grow best. I have been, and continue to, work so hard to make sure I am a good mom that, even though I always keep before me the little ones absolute insistence his mother would come for him (that is a story for another day), I still fall into the trap of focusing on that which I can control in the day-to-day drone of existence.

So I try to refocus on his issues. One of the things I did when I decided to adopt him was to begin a cross-stitch design to commemorate this family event. It is totally cool and can be found at http://www.tiag.com/ (click on Angel of Mercy II). I started it the day I filed the paperwork. It was originally a design I had bought to make for my sister and her youngest but never got around to it. I worked on it to trips to D.C. for work. I worked on it on planes to Russia. I worked on it during the daily six plus hour drives from Vlad to his orphanage. This offer of love currently rules my nights and weekends. It is my gift to him. Of course I love him and I am already the mother of his heart but I wanted him to see that love is sometimes simply a gift that has nothing to do with food, clothing or shelter. :) Or even boy things because moms are simply loving and somewhat sappy. :)

And maybe when he is a young man (soon to be) and I am late taking him to school for the last time, he will remember that I have always been there making forever memories for him - even if I forget near deadlines.

So I think I have gone on just a bit so I will say good night. Take care and take love out into the world - Sarah :)