Thank you everyone! It is all good even though it may not be roses :)

So I am still trying to figure out how to respond to everyone. I know, I know, it is just a simple click (probably) but I am so overwhelmed by the love I forget to figure that part out. And I have been seriously working on the little one's issues.

And life has just been so crazy. I am sure I have told people before but I kind of work in a zoo. It pays well enough but the residents are a bit touched. And last week was a bit over top. It is like, people cannot really act like that - but of course they do.

And today - well today took a bit of work so as to get up the hill. I always say if God brings us to it he will bring us through it but geez, this one took some deep breaths. Several weeks ago a family (not CHI) who adopted a cleft child out of China recommended a doctor to contact given she specialized in international adoption. I totally love my family doctor Kathleen given she is so way cool, but she recently moved to southern Oregon due to family issues I thought I would at least talk with this new doctor that is within biking distance of my job.

I have never been one to simply settle but that doctor's visit today felt a lot like that. Even though they sent me initial paperwork in the child's name the visit today was handled as if I was the new patient. At every turn I was simply waived onto the next person as I tried to explain they had the wrong take on why I was there.

So then the visit went on. The doctor came in and took my family history of health. It was like I was being plugged into some kind of impersonal matrix of health information. It is even computerized and I was told I should be comforted by that fact. Suddenly that form I needed to sign and submit in order to keep my little one's information being subjected to anonymous genetic testing started sending off large alarm bells in my head. This situation is not the caring help and sensitive transition I am seeking for my little one.

At some point the doctor realized the visit was not about me but it was for the little one. The doctor then indicated that she did not do these kind of visits at this location but somewhere else. Then she adjusted and focused on the little one - sort of. I tried to make sure the doctor understood the little one was a bilateral cleft palate child with some in country surgery and there were other medical issues. (DuH!!!)

After not really listening to me the doctor started to review my hand written notes about what I was told in Russia about the little one's medical history (after not listening to me). Later those notes were copied. Anyway, at the start of those notes there was a note that there was smoking and alcohol consumption during pregnancy. So, ironically, I was then treated to a tentatively approached yet strongly pursued conversation about the most overt physical manifestations of FAS. Like potentially an overly flat section beneath the little one's nose. Given he was a bilateral cleft he didn't really have a nose before the wonderful doctors in Russia did two surgeries so that was not a real good help.

At this point I am seriously sad about this whole interaction but I decide to not stand up, wave my hands at the idiocy and walk out. Overt behavior can so get you in trouble. :) So then the doctor told me there was probably an unnaturally flat area around his eyes. I said I was aware this possibility and had not observed such. It really felt like I was really rowing up against the current at this point. I frankly cannot imagine what it would have felt like if I had the little one home. This is seriously hard work. And the prejudice makes me even sadder.

Anyway, finally, the doctor looked at the pics. I had only marked a couple of pics in the photo album I have prepared for court so as to show the doctor some of my specific concerns but she looked at them all. As a mom I was most concerned about discussing his need for muscle therapy, his eye sight, the need for bridge, blah, blah, blah. But she looked at all the pictures - even the one I took on day two of my beloved morning cup of coffee. And she did not address my blah, blah, blah.

So after I left, called my Mom and complained. I love my boy and I am not happy with anyone who interferes with his best interests, no matter who that may be in this world. It is obvious that this was not the doctor for us.

Life is silly. But it is good. And these children are just there, quietly waiting for us to get past it all and bring them home. Keep the faith and God bless. And I ask you to please pray for the little one - and however God decides. It really is all good in his hands - just believe. :) Sarah