I am a bit sad today. I finally admitted to myself that I was not happy to hear from CHI last week that I will probably wait a minimum of 5 to 7 months before I return and complete the process. Given my experience with this agency that could well mean the year will be gone and we could be into the next one before I go back for little dude. On top of that pretty much all of the documents are expiring in May because I rushed and got paperwork done within a month once I decided to adopt a special needs child. And there is some anomaly with agency docs that is causing additional attention from me. It is really hard to be here a year later and still not be done. If you had met the little one it would become clear that it is not me who carries the most pain in this continuing saga.

That being said, I missed the final months of little dude's babyhood and I gave that over to the higher one to be what it will be. What I now find hard to endure is knowing that everyday he waits for me to walk back through the door. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. That being said, friends have been so wonderful about being there for me while I wander this difficult path.

I want to give a shout out to my friend Ruth who I think has moved mountains for me so that I can go and hang out with some of favorite people by way of distraction. Thank you Ruth, you are totally the tops. :) And Carey for asking me the same "why" questions that circle around in my mind everyday. Please say hi! to Mimi. :) And give a big hug to Audrey.

And there are the people at work who help me remember how totally excellent life is and to never lose sight of that simple life fact. I thank God everyday for Eileen - she is such a rock! And there is Ann who with her simple assumption that of course there would be a baby shower for the little one that laid me out totally flat. I never even thought about how of course people would want to show their support by being there in such a wonderful way. How cool is that!!! And there are so many others who, by just simply being there as colleagues, make all the silliness okay.

And there is Mom. She puts up with a lot with me. She is the front line on what happens when I cope with all this silliness. She gets the crankiness, the sharpness and the general venting about all of it but she is still totally there for me. I cannot wait to try and be such a great mom.

It will all work out and will be what it was meant to be. And the flowers are blooming. :) The daffodils and grape hyacinth along with my star magnolia are almost done but the roses are going gang busters. The butterfly bushes are also seriously getting serious. And the bleeding hearts are out of control. I totally love the form and beauty of the flower. While it is still too early for tomatoes to be in the ground it is getting close. It all works out and I guess that is the final message of the day - it all works out. Thanks for reading this and being there for me. I totally appreciate it.