How Love Literally Shapes a Family - An interesting observation about how people view families

At least twice today, people mistook my kids for twins.  And then they noted how much they looked like me.  People have been saying that a lot about my kids lately.  I kind of smile and now only say they are not twins.

I no longer tell strangers they are adopted.  I am proud of my kids and want to give them full credit for being so well adjusted but I am attempting to zip my mouth and let them be known as simply "normal."  I no longer try to tell people why they are not bio siblings.  Because it does not matter of course.  

My far older brother adopted children and then he and his wife got pregnant.  Twice.  I remember being at a family function and someone attempting to point out who was adopted and who was not.  I did not see the difference and could not understand the distinction.  Since my brother David was the third generation to adopt and have bio children it was the norm in my sense of family. 

I am now seeing that happen in my house.  I will tell you, my kids did not look like me or like each other when we met.  While Alex and I had the same hair and eye color, we did not look alike - more or less.  Now he looks like me because he uses my facial expressions, verbal intonations, etc.  Before his last surgery he used to complain he could not sound like me - but now he does.  When I met my daughter, Daria, she looked so beautifully different I was in awe. 

Now it is true, we all look similar.  I think it is because my kids are being loved and cared for daily.  They now smile my smile of love.  They now make my gestures of exuberance or frustration.  They do what I do.  Just like all other kids do with their parents.  I think we all look like one another because we love one another.  It is love that makes us seem similar not our actual physical features.  Alex is so incredibly handsome and sweet the girls already swoon at his feet.  Daria is bound for stardom, I am convinced.  She just has that something "extra."  My kids are so different but yet so bound to the safety and normalcy of family life.  My children wanted a family more than anything else and they work at it every day.  I am so terribly proud of them. 

At the same time I feel kind of cheated.  I worked really hard to adopt and I didn't know it but I kind of wanted people to know I had done it.  Instead people just look at us as another family, not knowing how hard we are work at it - every day.  They just see me as a single Mom with a couple of kids and sometimes underestimate me.  They do not know I am not a woman abandoned, nor do they know my kids and I work with one another every day to create our lives.  I made the choice to have these children and my kids made the choice to be with the family. 

So I am quiet and just smile for the folks.  Adoption has been a terribly hard road for me with lots of sacrifice and loss but I still do it for the children.  When I began I thought it was about me but now I see that it has always been about them - the kids needing a home.  When I forget, the children say something to remind me.

Maybe that is how it should be - all families work at being the best family they can be.  The love found within a family is unmatchable.  It heals all. 

So it goes.  May all be well with you and your loved ones.