An adoption entity asked me if I would speak to reporters. I said yes, and let them ask whatever they wanted. I allowed them free access to my home and any question they wanted to pose. I believe very strongly in adopting children from Russia. Daria was in a psychiatric ward complete with walls and guards and she is a perfectly normal little girl. The news report is at the link below.
There are also comments towards the bottom of the linked page about domestic vs. foreign adoption. I will offer a subsequent post about that issue.
http://www.kptv.com/story/20463247/families-devastated-by
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
I cannot believe the adoptions are halted
My heart is sad. People keep telling me we are the lucky ones; Alex and Daria are home. We are such a happy family and love one another so much. I have been lucky every day since they have come home. Both the children love each other so much - just like other siblings. They didn't just want a mom, they wanted a family and home and a life. They have that now.
I worry for the other children left behind. I listen to my children and they wanted to be in a family more than I wanted to give them one.
I was in the process of adopting from Russia again. My heart weeps for the children I was hoping to adopt. I worry for all the children needing to find their way home.
I worry for the other children left behind. I listen to my children and they wanted to be in a family more than I wanted to give them one.
I was in the process of adopting from Russia again. My heart weeps for the children I was hoping to adopt. I worry for all the children needing to find their way home.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Is the path from Grief through Forgiveness?
I do not know. Because my children still live I am not sure if my grief requires forgiveness. Or maybe it does. I think that part of my grief is from such a deep place of hurt - for the families, for the parents and for the lost children, I cannot see the way out. Maybe we all need to forgive to ease grief. I do not know. I look to the Amish example of how they dealt with the massacre of their children in a school a few years back. Two links below discuss what life looks like today because of the Amish approach of immediate forgiveness. I am not Amish but I come from a family background that places gentleness and forgiveness at the front of tragedy.
http://www.post-gazette.com/stories/opinion/perspectives/the-amish-forgave-the-man-who-killed-five-of-their-children-but-the-storys-not-over-317153/
http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/religion/story/2011-09-29/amish-schoolhouse-shooting/50609184/1
I think I am too lost in grief to be mad at anyone. I guess I would have to point the grief toward someone or something before forgiveness would be an option. I do know that gentleness and peace is desperately needed in order for a soul to heal. Maybe forgiveness brings that. Something to think about.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
It is like I said ...
http://news.msn.com/us/after-newtown-parents-more-lenient
fyi - I already let me kids eat cake for breakfast sometimes. It won't hurt them and they still always brush their teeth afterwards. Family love.
fyi - I already let me kids eat cake for breakfast sometimes. It won't hurt them and they still always brush their teeth afterwards. Family love.
26 Acts of Kindness
A good way to start. Bring joy and kindness in the midst of grief. Help others. There are many ways to reaffirm the humanity in all of us.
http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/12/18/15999109-if-you-do-good-youll-feel-good-ann-curry-explains-origins-of-26acts-of-kindness?lite
http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/12/18/15999109-if-you-do-good-youll-feel-good-ann-curry-explains-origins-of-26acts-of-kindness?lite
My heart is still weeping
I cannot seem to stop crying for the babies slaughtered in Newtown. It could have been my baby girl, Alex's little sister, in those classrooms. Our Daria would have not run away. She would not have hid. I am haunted. And so deeply filled with grief for the parents of the little ones. I think none of those parents can ever know know how much I will weep for them. My children are my life. I cannot image me living without them.
Alex, the miracle boy, has been having nightmares about the shooting of little ones too. I tried to keep the kids away from the tv while the adults watch the news but Alex is too smart - he wants to know what makes me weep until I cannot weep anymore.
People in my agency started getting texts on their phones almost immediately as the news broke. By the time I went to my daughter's afternoon class holiday celebration - I knew many little children had died in that other, faraway, classroom. I left Alex home and went to my little girl's class to see the kids sing. And I could not stop hugging her.
Of course parents do what life seems to dictate; presents are wrapped, visits to Santa happen and holiday pictures are taken. What I see with all parents right now is a special care toward all our children. The line to take a picture with Santa was long this year but everyone was so terribly kind with their children. A special sense of being blessed with their continued existence seemed to be manifested in all the parent interactions with their kids. There were no short words. There was no impatience that line was hours long. I saw parents leave the line midway through after waiting a ton of time because their child was hungry. Kids played and ran and were happy. We knew that we are the lucky families today.
The war to keep Alex safe from bullying while getting him the federally mandated education required continues of course. The school district has taken a deeply troubling approach. Alex is in new headgear guaranteed to make him more vulnerable and more of a target than he already was - as if that was possible.
The District has told me a child being hit is normal and it will happen. They have also told me they will do nothing extra to keep him safe. I have told them, I will call the police if it happens to Alex again. I hate that they are making me be this way. I also know that we cannot let Alex be hit again. I cannot let it happen again. Alex keeps asking for a cell phone so he can call me or his grandmother for help. I think he might get it over my personal preferences.
Protecting Alex helps me not weep so much for the babies. If my kids were having a perfectly safe and normal life I do not know how I would channel my grief for those families.
May God watch over those families.
Alex, the miracle boy, has been having nightmares about the shooting of little ones too. I tried to keep the kids away from the tv while the adults watch the news but Alex is too smart - he wants to know what makes me weep until I cannot weep anymore.
People in my agency started getting texts on their phones almost immediately as the news broke. By the time I went to my daughter's afternoon class holiday celebration - I knew many little children had died in that other, faraway, classroom. I left Alex home and went to my little girl's class to see the kids sing. And I could not stop hugging her.
Of course parents do what life seems to dictate; presents are wrapped, visits to Santa happen and holiday pictures are taken. What I see with all parents right now is a special care toward all our children. The line to take a picture with Santa was long this year but everyone was so terribly kind with their children. A special sense of being blessed with their continued existence seemed to be manifested in all the parent interactions with their kids. There were no short words. There was no impatience that line was hours long. I saw parents leave the line midway through after waiting a ton of time because their child was hungry. Kids played and ran and were happy. We knew that we are the lucky families today.
The war to keep Alex safe from bullying while getting him the federally mandated education required continues of course. The school district has taken a deeply troubling approach. Alex is in new headgear guaranteed to make him more vulnerable and more of a target than he already was - as if that was possible.
The District has told me a child being hit is normal and it will happen. They have also told me they will do nothing extra to keep him safe. I have told them, I will call the police if it happens to Alex again. I hate that they are making me be this way. I also know that we cannot let Alex be hit again. I cannot let it happen again. Alex keeps asking for a cell phone so he can call me or his grandmother for help. I think he might get it over my personal preferences.
Protecting Alex helps me not weep so much for the babies. If my kids were having a perfectly safe and normal life I do not know how I would channel my grief for those families.
May God watch over those families.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
The boy wonder became my hero yet again today
So the mediation tanked. Not because of me but because the school district decided to breach the agreement before it was even signed. The rat finks. They so irritated the attorney that he quit and referred me onto someone else. That guy gets the system and the situation but is slow to get it together and meet, schedule the important stuff, etc.
What do normal people do?
In the meantime, a kid at the new school is starting to bug, trip and hit Alex. I watched this kid with a funky haircut and blue streak be somewhat generally mean even I was sitting in the room. He kept getting sent back to the "safe" class because he was hitting in the "main" classroom. At first nobody at the school "knew anything." Then when I was able to pinpoint incidents, and confirm a pattern of bullying, they went silent. And then they started to blame Alex again.
The principal refused to do anything saying kids hit kids and they try to redirect them. A senior attorney for the school district keeps redirecting all attempts to stop the bullying back to Alex being a special needs kid, like federal law will allow them to put Alex in harms way. It will not of course.
There was once again a sharp object in the equation. Nobody will discuss that either.
So Alex stays home while I try to get the school to help make it safe for Alex. They are so terribly slow to even meet about it. It makes me sad because it is another year of education they are ripping away from him.
Ironically, Alex was put in a fairly extreme head gear contraption earlier today. It is complete with jaw pulling rubber bands and a steel rod anchored to the front of his face to try and secure it all. He really needs to wears it 24 hours a day but the doctor accept at least a minimum of 14 hours a day. The head gear has various movable parts and I liken to having to balance a bowl full of jello and grapes on the front of your face.
Alex - the hero child. He initially took it off in public but put it back on in my office by the end of the day and is really okay with a 24 hour regimen. Tonight he even reattached it himself complete with the rubber bands. This kid is such an amazing inspiration.
People were so freaked out today when they saw it, they just kept giving him stuff, I think to make him feel better. Alex is okay with it all, but he worries that people will laugh and point at him.
Alex will stay home from school tomorrow too.
An attorney that wants me to pay him a pile of money tells me, for free, that the school system has to accommodate the no bully issue under an IEP (federal law) because it impairs his ability to learn. The law may say it, but I do not see it.
I just want my son to be able to go to school. I want him to be safe while he does it. The headgear even makes me stop and take notice.
If the school cannot make it safe for Alex, we will see behavior that we saw this summer. That is not acceptable - at any level. He was so out of control and doctors were pumping him full of heavy mental meds that should have felled a large grown man - and still he did not stop. If it happens again, I can see the entire children's hospital here in town marching on the school district. At the end of the summer, the doctors told me to do whatever was needed to get Alex to stop his severe and outrageous behavior. They will help stop it all.
Back to the most amazing child - my son. He will endure. He is turning and literally facing physical issues that would drop an adult to their knees. He is my hero. And he is having a happy life.
People always talk about the negatives children bring from their life before adoption but I do not. I have talked to too many other parents that struggle with significantly more difficult, long term behaviors - from birth children. I remember my siblings too. These families have no difficult history of abuse to point to when trying to deal with the behavior of the children. I also am haunted by what my former foster children were being labeled the last time I heard about them. Simple issues were being raised to severe behavior disorders - at two, three and four. I sometimes wonder if kids simply align their sense of self with these diagnoses and the treatment that results. I still have mama nightmares for these children that will never leave my heart - even the knife wielding, so not safe, 10-year-old boy who knew my neighborhood because his family had slept in the park a block away. May God keep them safe.
Rather I would note the positives like what Alex brought home from the before time. He always tells the truth, unless he is telling a joke. He also has a radical sense of justice, not just for himself, but for every other child he knows. Alex is always kind to younger children and is very protective of them. He loves to coo at babies.
He is the absolute picture perfect son. Watching him today, he became my most favorite hero again. What a guy. That is not to say that I expect anything other than 10-year-old boy behavior from him tomorrow. But Alex will be a happy child. He will be loved. And he will be safe.
What do normal people do?
In the meantime, a kid at the new school is starting to bug, trip and hit Alex. I watched this kid with a funky haircut and blue streak be somewhat generally mean even I was sitting in the room. He kept getting sent back to the "safe" class because he was hitting in the "main" classroom. At first nobody at the school "knew anything." Then when I was able to pinpoint incidents, and confirm a pattern of bullying, they went silent. And then they started to blame Alex again.
The principal refused to do anything saying kids hit kids and they try to redirect them. A senior attorney for the school district keeps redirecting all attempts to stop the bullying back to Alex being a special needs kid, like federal law will allow them to put Alex in harms way. It will not of course.
There was once again a sharp object in the equation. Nobody will discuss that either.
So Alex stays home while I try to get the school to help make it safe for Alex. They are so terribly slow to even meet about it. It makes me sad because it is another year of education they are ripping away from him.
Ironically, Alex was put in a fairly extreme head gear contraption earlier today. It is complete with jaw pulling rubber bands and a steel rod anchored to the front of his face to try and secure it all. He really needs to wears it 24 hours a day but the doctor accept at least a minimum of 14 hours a day. The head gear has various movable parts and I liken to having to balance a bowl full of jello and grapes on the front of your face.
Alex - the hero child. He initially took it off in public but put it back on in my office by the end of the day and is really okay with a 24 hour regimen. Tonight he even reattached it himself complete with the rubber bands. This kid is such an amazing inspiration.
People were so freaked out today when they saw it, they just kept giving him stuff, I think to make him feel better. Alex is okay with it all, but he worries that people will laugh and point at him.
Alex will stay home from school tomorrow too.
An attorney that wants me to pay him a pile of money tells me, for free, that the school system has to accommodate the no bully issue under an IEP (federal law) because it impairs his ability to learn. The law may say it, but I do not see it.
I just want my son to be able to go to school. I want him to be safe while he does it. The headgear even makes me stop and take notice.
If the school cannot make it safe for Alex, we will see behavior that we saw this summer. That is not acceptable - at any level. He was so out of control and doctors were pumping him full of heavy mental meds that should have felled a large grown man - and still he did not stop. If it happens again, I can see the entire children's hospital here in town marching on the school district. At the end of the summer, the doctors told me to do whatever was needed to get Alex to stop his severe and outrageous behavior. They will help stop it all.
Back to the most amazing child - my son. He will endure. He is turning and literally facing physical issues that would drop an adult to their knees. He is my hero. And he is having a happy life.
People always talk about the negatives children bring from their life before adoption but I do not. I have talked to too many other parents that struggle with significantly more difficult, long term behaviors - from birth children. I remember my siblings too. These families have no difficult history of abuse to point to when trying to deal with the behavior of the children. I also am haunted by what my former foster children were being labeled the last time I heard about them. Simple issues were being raised to severe behavior disorders - at two, three and four. I sometimes wonder if kids simply align their sense of self with these diagnoses and the treatment that results. I still have mama nightmares for these children that will never leave my heart - even the knife wielding, so not safe, 10-year-old boy who knew my neighborhood because his family had slept in the park a block away. May God keep them safe.
Rather I would note the positives like what Alex brought home from the before time. He always tells the truth, unless he is telling a joke. He also has a radical sense of justice, not just for himself, but for every other child he knows. Alex is always kind to younger children and is very protective of them. He loves to coo at babies.
He is the absolute picture perfect son. Watching him today, he became my most favorite hero again. What a guy. That is not to say that I expect anything other than 10-year-old boy behavior from him tomorrow. But Alex will be a happy child. He will be loved. And he will be safe.
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