A boy and his dog

Life is a balance.

Finally, finally, finally – Alex was ready for a dog and we saw the perfect dog. We named him Boomer of course because, as Alex noted, he goes “boom boom” through the house. This puppy is five months old and has some of the biggest paws I have ever seen. Dude is going to be one huge dog. :)

Alex is over the moon – he got a dog who can play fetch. He could not be happier. There is nothing more moving than a boy and his dog. They keep trying to sneak into bedtime together. As is necessary with most Labs, Boomer has to be put away at night for his own good. The other day he chewed through an extension cord and yelped when he got a shock. That has not stopped him from finding a loose molding, tearing it loose and chewing beyond all recognition. I wonder if there is insurance to cover the puppyhood of a lab/border collie mix. Probably not. I fear for the piano. I fear for all my books. I fear for the front door. No way is that dog getting in my newly bought car - I have heard stories about entire interiors being eaten by such puppies.

I have told the kids to put their toys on higher ground or Boomer will eat them. Daria refused to listen and has lost two fairy barbies to this cutie.

Alex is much wiser and guards his intendo plug with an almost religious zeal. He also made sure all his stuff is out of puppy teeth range. Alex loves this dog and never complains about clean-up, feeding or walking. The unconditional love between these two brings tears to my eyes. This is what I wanted for my son when I brought him home – to know love, joy and a sense of belonging. We are there and it is a good thing.

I was posting on the blog of a single adoptive mom I find so inspiring and I realized I keep forgetting to talk about all we have learned as a family. In her blog she was talking about, among other things, having a child that still rages. Those are not her exact words but it is close enough. We are a happy family but Alex still goes there. As I typed and worked through the issue while posting on her blog, I wondered if that is where the pathways of the brains always lead the kids back to when they are under duress to what I call the "before time."

I wondered if all that behavior simply a testing when they are scared. Those were not the words I used as I typed my thoughts out to the world but that is what whispers in the back of my mind. Alex and I spent most of Sunday at the emergency room in the children’s hospital because of still unresolved pain issues in his mouth due to cleft anomalies – I think. The doctors have a variety of other possible positions. I am lucky though – the specialists are watching and we will see.

Just recently Alex told me that he did “all those things” because he was so scared. His unsolicited words not mine. Maybe that is why he still does that really difficult stuff sometimes still. Maybe I just don’t see all the things that scare him – I only pay attention to drama that affects me. I feel the buttons being punched and the quality of life ebbing away – I forget what he has told me in the quiet moments – he does that stuff when he is really, really, really scared.

It takes a special courage to love and parent a traumatized child.

I remain convinced it is worth it. As I have said, my son has hardened my position about adoption. I cannot image him left alone in the before time.