Saturday, September 19, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Today I had to run to the store after work...
At school Sasha has a new teacher. This has caused some issues. Grief for Sasha sometimes looks like violence and extreme oppositional defiance. Apparently Sash does not like his new teacher who has returned from maternity leave - most probably because she is new. His solution: have pee pee accidents at school. My solution: pull-ups and extra changes of clothing in the backpack. Sash is not cool with pull-ups. They are girlie-girlie pink. This should be a short problem.
It is so sweet really. Sasha is grieving for his substitute teacher. Her name is Kim and she is great. But Geri is back from maternity leave and life changes. That makes Sasha sad. And mad. So he strikes out. I got home today and my kid was a bubbling mass of emotion - all mostly suppressed until his Mom came home. It was all held just below the surface. Then, with one small poke it all came out.
Kim, his substitute teacher, is gone and he is grieving. We talk about all the ways I can keep him safe and he agrees - I can do all of that. Then his face crumples and he asks for Kim back. I tell him that is something I cannot do. Kim must go where life takes her - and I have no control over that. He is sobbing and lashing out.
So off we went to the store. My mom is driving and we are running containment scenarios as we drive to the grocery store. Will she stay? Or will I because as we drive to the store I am holding Sasha in a restraining hold. And then he tells me he can get it together. And he does!
We go to the store, get a piece of chicken (because Sasha is finally eating chicken!), get our groceries and leave. And then the rest of the night was kind of touch and go. Sasha kept kind of "going up over the edge" but then he would bring himself back again!!!
Separation grief from satellite supports is hard for any of us, at any age, but for my son it seems catastrophic. Any change for him triggers insecurity and fear. With the loss of his teacher from last year he was sent into grief such that he curled up into my lap, sobbed and later tried to "tear the house down." He even feared losing others from school. Me being me simply gathered him close and told him things change. And people go away to other places but it is not a bad thing - it is simply something different.
Just one more thing for my Mama list - help Sasha learn to grieve separation appropriately. He sleeps tonight with fair ease so maybe I did so good work tonight - I hope so. The Mama list remains long.
It is so sweet really. Sasha is grieving for his substitute teacher. Her name is Kim and she is great. But Geri is back from maternity leave and life changes. That makes Sasha sad. And mad. So he strikes out. I got home today and my kid was a bubbling mass of emotion - all mostly suppressed until his Mom came home. It was all held just below the surface. Then, with one small poke it all came out.
Kim, his substitute teacher, is gone and he is grieving. We talk about all the ways I can keep him safe and he agrees - I can do all of that. Then his face crumples and he asks for Kim back. I tell him that is something I cannot do. Kim must go where life takes her - and I have no control over that. He is sobbing and lashing out.
So off we went to the store. My mom is driving and we are running containment scenarios as we drive to the grocery store. Will she stay? Or will I because as we drive to the store I am holding Sasha in a restraining hold. And then he tells me he can get it together. And he does!
We go to the store, get a piece of chicken (because Sasha is finally eating chicken!), get our groceries and leave. And then the rest of the night was kind of touch and go. Sasha kept kind of "going up over the edge" but then he would bring himself back again!!!
Separation grief from satellite supports is hard for any of us, at any age, but for my son it seems catastrophic. Any change for him triggers insecurity and fear. With the loss of his teacher from last year he was sent into grief such that he curled up into my lap, sobbed and later tried to "tear the house down." He even feared losing others from school. Me being me simply gathered him close and told him things change. And people go away to other places but it is not a bad thing - it is simply something different.
Just one more thing for my Mama list - help Sasha learn to grieve separation appropriately. He sleeps tonight with fair ease so maybe I did so good work tonight - I hope so. The Mama list remains long.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
First Day of School!!!
What an amazing day for us! As you can see Sasha is excited to go back to school. Even though we were only off a month because he is in a year around school, it was long enough.
He is officially a first grader and is seriously happy about his new classroom. As we waited on the front steps of home this morning (because the school bus was a little late) he was so excited and happy about going back. And he loves his new school clothes. My son has made it clear that white oxford shirts and khakis are the preferred attire. For me this morning, I sat on that front step and remembered back to this time last year, add a few days, when I got the call to get on a plane to Russia to go to court for my son. I cannot believe how the time has flown.
I was so scared that the call would never come. Then I got caught in Passport Control flying through Moscow and everything started to go slightly eschew. And then stuff was so hard when we got home. It was hard for lots of good reasons but some days were really dark. Yet, as I look into my son's grinning joy it is all so worth it.
And he is having such a great time. Everyone loves him and his antics. Last week we visited one of the surgeons to discuss stuff and I told the doctor that my son could tell him what was needed. And he did. In amazingly good English. At the end the doctor said that what Sasha wants is entirely reasonable. As Mama I just sat back and smiled. Take heed America, Alexander Nickolai is here and he will be heard. :)
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