It has been awhile ...

And that is a good thing. Alex is doing well and is getting ready for his bone graft surgery in a couple of weeks. I am so scared for him, yet so excited because it is an amazing milestone for us. Alex just wants to get on with fixing his face. In March we did surgery to place a screw so as to move a bone fragment and that went very well with none of the possibly devastating consequences. The procedure was rounded out with his new sister cheering him from the sidelines. I thank God every day that Alex is so upbeat about the surgeries because we have so many ahead of us. I think that it is hysterically funny that his sister (also cleft) is his own cheerleader directing him in Russian when he fusses at a particularly difficult moment.

Since Alex took the picture with Santa last December he and I have traveled to Moscow three times and subsequently brought home a sister for him and a daughter for me in late April. She is awesome. So sweet and smart. She came home and it is was like she was always here with us. First day of school came and she was like every other kindergarten kiddo.

She and Alex attached and they seem like they have been siblings forever. Everyone thinks they look alike and it seems like a big happy family. And it is.

I think a lot about how it all began for us - Alex and me. We beat the odds.

I often wonder how we did it - how we do it everyday. I think about how I still battle his school and their failures when dealing with him - but he does okay with coping with them (even though I so am not) so I am thrown back to wondering how did we do it?

No child is saved without their consent I have decided. We silly parents fight and work and cry and pray and hope for our kids. I yelled, I pleaded, I argued, I sacrificed any and everything to save my son. Yet, what made the difference was Alex. I helped because without it he wouldn't have had the chance but it was my son that finally decided to save himself. He reached out and finally grabbed one of those life savers I kept throwing to him. I am not sure when it happened but one day he decided I meant it that he was my son and this was now his life with all its particularity. I think he kept me flinging those life savers for awhile after he caught one just to make sure I meant it. :)

It is like I told my Mom, who suffered a particularly difficult relationship with Alex for a long time, Alex tests those he cares the most about the hardest and longest. He wants to make really, really, really sure you love him no matter what. They now are very close and it makes my heart bloom with love every time I see it.

So I go back to what I have learned. Today my kiddo is okay. He is okay because I went to where he was, got down and stayed there until he got up. I think I was sleeping when he actually did it. :)

What I have learned is that sometimes kids are in a bad space. A really bad space. Sometimes they cannot leave it for awhile. People just need to keep working at being there for them. Then, finally, the kiddo can come home. Home into your arms. Today I have the most awesome kid. He still has edges - all eight year old boys do. I am forever pulling bugs out of his pockets. I may grump about it but I love it every time. It is just so Tom Sawyerish.

I remember a training I took last year about nurturing damaged children and resilience. The lady teaching the class likened the heart of a traumatized child to a vessel sort of like a sieve with lots of really big holes. She demonstrated this by lacing her fingers together widely so we could see the holes. She then said that those of us who adopt these damaged children pour love and attention into their hearts. In the beginning this love and attention is liquid pouring through really wide, wide holes in their hearts. It does not seem to make any difference with those really, really wide holes. Yet, that love is full of sugar and honey and over time it builds up a residue that, given enough time can fill that which it once ran through.

Alex's heart has been healed with love. I pray that all parents loving such children hear the direction from God to just keep loving. And accepting. I hope they learn to accept their child as they are - not as they want them to be.

And then, sometimes, kids come home and everything is perfectly fine. My little girl is like that - no problems what so ever. A joy to be around everyday. Just last night she got mad at me and Alex and told us we did not make her happy and she did not like us. The kids then went up to bed and she broke down the hard attitude and insisted on hugging me and Alex (I had to get him back up) so that she could tell us she did really love us. I think all that drama lasted less than 10 minutes. I often stare at her in awe because it is all so unexpected given everything.

I thank God everyday for my son. He is an amazing person to know and love.