kiss your kids and hold them close

I have had better days.  Did an IEP meeting today.  Those people sure make me sad.  They really said I did not see my son punched in the face.  omg.  That was last year.

This year he was threatened with a knife in addition to being repeatedly punched and taunted.  Nobody at the meeting knew about the knife threat even though I reported it to the principal. They said it could not have happened becasue they, who did not know about the incident, had not seen the knife.  

They judge Alex without acknowledging he is in harms way. 

Alex is right to run.  Alex is right to take the biggest rocks he can find and throw them at the house.  Alex is right to run down the street looking for a safe home, any place that can protect him.


Alex is right, Alex is right, Alex is right.  He has not been safe.  I trusted others to keep him safe and I was wrong. 

I did not keep him safe.  But I am learning.

I keep him close, so very close now. 

My son is a survivor.  He is nine.  He deserves better.  At least in Russia the officials did not allow ten-year-olds be be armed with knives.  I used to tell him this was a better place.  I watch him sleep less then ten feet from me with his dog blocking all access to him and I wonder.

Was I right or is he? 

Listen to your kids.  Then hold them close.  Keep them safe.  At any cost.

More of the same ...

Okay, I do not hate doctors,  I just would prefer not to spend so much time with them.  :)

We started the morning seeing Alex's private psychiatrist who has known him from the beginning.  He was so calm about it all.  He saw that Alex is okay and then noted that of course we would see escalated behavior in Alex when he is bullied with words and fists.  As the doc noted, given his history it was only to be expected.

I do love that guy.  He is more worried that Alex get enough sleep so as to decrease the irritability and anxiety.  He does have a point and it is working. 

Today was so boring.  We even went into my office for a few hours.  He was fine.  I had to talk to security about updating my badge and one of guys chatted with Alex and me about PTSD.  It was nice.  And normal.  I am beginning to think that all heros may suffer from PTSD.

I read recently that someone doing research at the Library of Congress found a multi-page report from the young doctor that treated Lincoln the night he was shot.  It was so stark and yet so poignant.  It took that young doctor 44 years before he would even speak of that night. 

I remember way back when I was about Alex's age, I did a report on Lincoln. He has been a long-time hero of mine.  I still have that report.  I now know just a little bit more about another hero that was part of the larger story.

So we are back to a boringly normal life.  The kids are playing Sorry! and I need to get going on dinner. Life is blessed.